Blind in the face of celebrity

Ugh.

I just completed a vote for Bounty on celebrity guilty crushes. Now, I realise that the whole point is to admit to lusting after those that aren't conventionally fanciable, but some of these were taking that too far.

Mr Tumble for example. Justin Fletcher is lovely, talented, kind, funny and all manner of positive things. He is not sexy. At all. And as Mr Tumble, he is positively asexual.

Simon Cowell is oft mentioned as a celebrity crush. Don't get that one, nor Andrew Marr or Heston Blumenthal, both of whom also appear on such lists more often than is fathomable.

James Corden, standing at #2 in the vote, is vile and not even funny. No, he isn't. If you want sexy because they're funny: try David Mitchell or Charlie Brooker. Or sexy and funny: Rhod Gilbert.

So, for people involved in the list of guilty crushes: Mr Bloom. My own personal happy to admit to crush. Because Ben Faulks is obviously fit in his spare time. I gave him 10/10.

James May, also asexual, was on the list and Jeremy Clarkson wasn't. Just me then. I'm sure Clarkson used to be on these lists, he must have gotten too old. Or maybe it's the national sense of humour failure over his rants. Who knows. He's still practically my perfect man and I know. I so know. I have flimsy principles.

Phillip Schofield was winning, probably because he's nice looking and doesn't qualify as a guilty secret.

I fear I'm showing my age here. I'm 78 you know.

There were others that I feel meh about. And the one that disturbs me, the man who my brain persists on acknowledging as nice looking: David Cameron. If you like toffs, he's handsome enough. Still a loathsome toad, but fairly nice looking. Nick Clegg used to be very nice looking then he sold his soul and now just looks sad. That's the Cameron effect and allows me my favourite tag. Huzzah.

A Matter of Questionable Taste

I have a problem. I claim to like cars, to know about them and how they work. I recognise a Good Car, I think, but keep gravitating towards Vauxhall.

I like the way they drive. There, I said it.

Admittedly, an Aston Martin would probably be better to drive, but the chances of that happening ever are slimmer than a very slim thing. Other cars that mortals can drive just aren't as driveable as Vauxhalls. Apart from Volvos (RIP Best Ever Car), but they're really Fords now, and I Don't Like Fords. Not being snobby, I am gravitating towards the evil GM after all, but I just like driving Vauxhalls and I don't like driving/looking at/being around Fords*.

I know!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a serious problem. But I drive other (better) cars, then get back into my Vauxhall and everything's ruined. Because the Vauxhall drives properly and other cars just seem a bit...wrong.

Aaaaaaaargh. Jeremy Clarkson will never love me. When I'm starry enough to be a Star in a Reasonably Priced Car, my car history will be revealed as Vauxhall Corsa, Volvo V40 (broken by forgetting how to drive), Vauxhall Vectra and any other Vauxhalls that I accidentally buy in the meantime. He will scoff. People that know how to drive and care about driving don't drive Vauxhalls. They may drive - sigh - Fords, but they don't drive Vauxhalls, which are for idiots that don't know anything about cars. And for people who used to know about cars before they developed Vauxhallitis. The only known cure is to purchase a Monaro, then you will be forgiven the Vauxhallness.

The good news is that Vauxhall are currently giving away free** brand new Astras!!!!!!!!!!! The other flabbergasting news is that, this is true, I swear, Vauxhall now do better than average kit. Yes, you did read that correctly. The one being given away has a full quota of pretty much everything you'd want, unless you really want cruise control. Even rain sensitive wipers which I want badly in a truly vacuous manner.

This is the current object of my desire:

Fwoarrr. Like seriously, I don't think "that is a nice practical car which would service my requirements at a reasonable price". No. I think "omigod, that's sooooo amazing, I totally have to have that exact very car and it's so totally lovely and has rain sensitive wipers!!!!!!!!!"
Because I forget that I am not 12 and that I do/did actually know a bit about cars. Unless it's got a Vauxhall badge on it in which case I turn into a dribbling lusty fool that can't see past pretty colours.

I must go and visit the Volvo dealer. There has to be a way out of this for me.

* many people have very nice Fords. They're very good, I believe. Just not for me, the Vauxhall fanboy.
**almost free. Half price. Supposedly. They've got a new Astra so they're flinging the old one.

Top Gear

Top Gear shouldn't be good. It's all about cars; bad bad evil cars, polluting the environment, encouraging laziness etc etc, and it's presented by Jeremy Clarkson, who is also bad, evil, environment polluting and encouraging of laziness.


But it is one of the most watchable programmes on TV.

Cars are exciting, there's no denying that. No, there isn't.

Environmental issues aside, cars go fast, they have lots of gadgets, they are fun to drive and people will continue to drive them and lust after bigger, better, faster. It's not to deny that the car causes immense problems, but it does acknowledge that they are loved. And as long as there are people who want to drive their cars, so there will be people who try to make it possible without destroying the planet.

Clarkson is incredibly funny, incredibly good at presenting, with something witty to say about most things and if you see beneath the parody, he's an intelligent bloke that does care about things. And in case of sounding heightist (6'5!!), Richard Hammond is also rather wonderful (and isn't actually all that short, just short compared to Jeremy). James May is also ace, the banter between the three of them is cheering to watch, especially having seen the emotions immediately after Hammond's jet crash.

Sunday evenings can always bring a smile, if only for the dream of cruising in a seriously good car, but more often than not there's genuine belly laughs.

No illusion shattering please, the warm glow of enjoying watching something good remains and any removal with facts will result in extreme displeasure.

Website here.