Deep fried cow

I've been arguing with a friend a bit about being a vegan. Yes, really, hard it may be to comprehend me being argumentative, but yes. And even more astonishingly, this argument is on Facebook. Shocks abound!

Anyshoes...

At this point in my life I eat pretty much everything. Mostly pizza at the moment, but the important thing is that my diet contains dairy, fish, dairy, meat and dairy. There's nothing missing. In the several decades that have passed since this blog began (all of its own accord, I rarely have control) I have gone through eating no meat (I'd say vegetarian but I never - NEVER - gave up jelly babies) at all, past not eating fish, through a brief hiatus on dairy (very brief, because cheese).

         NB I know that's not good grammar. I am On The
         Pulse but I feel the need to say that I KNOW.

I have no idea what I wrote here previously on the subject of NEVER EATING FISH and MEAT IS AWFUL. It was then and I was younger then and I have very little in the way of remembering what I thought and what I actually wrote down and nobody from then still reads it (apart from you, of course, but you are insane AND imaginary).

Now I think we probably all ought to be more or less vegetarian. Not completely, and by that I don't mean "oh I'm a vegetarian but I eat fish because they are not sentient and I'm a moron", I mean eat a little meat, from good sources, and some fish, that's sustainable, occasionally, but to have a primarily vegetarian diet.

That's my crap version of being a vegetarian where you cheerfully eat gelatine and rennet containing foods and the odd portion of black pudding or haggis. (Neither are meat as you'd know it so when you are vegetarian because meat makes you boke, they are fine. And black pudding is a superfood, which was the best news ever, ever).

These tangents are being terribly invasive today. It's 6pm so I don't have the free mind and writing prowess of 3am, but neither do I have the self hatred, feelings of persecution or depression that appear at that time. I'm simply procrastinating just now.

Back to the animals. Awww. Cute things. We shouldn't hurt them unnecessarily and I'm generally not in favour of sacrificing animals or people or anything really in the name of maximum profit.

So in this ideal world, we only eat small amounts of good welfare sustainable meat and fish. Or if you  must, no meat or fish at all.

However, if we are being saints, we would also not do any of the following:

- drive a car
- wear clothes made by badly paid children
- own items made by badly paid children
- pay children badly
- wear leather shoes
- throw anything in the bin
- shop at many places, including Amazon
- have needless materialistic possessions
- ever eat a McDonalds or drink Coke or in fact give any money to The Man at all.

There's lots of other things, mostly exploitation to give us cheap crap, or vanity, or Big Money talking.

Are you still here? Well done you.

Anyway. I could keep going on that train of ponder for a long time. I shall attempt to disembark at the point shortly.

There's a number of documentary things doing the rounds that tell you that all food which isn't vegan is bad for you, and for the animals, and for the planet, and yada yada, spread the word, shout about it, and it's almost as scary as the predominately Muslim society we now have.

Breathe.

So I don't think we should be vegan. Not just because I'm currently an omnivore. That's me being crap, just as I eat in McDonalds, shop in Primark and basically keep Amazon in business. No, because I don't believe it is healthy or right. A diet which relies on supplements is not a nutritionally complete diet. And supplements are the stuff of many hideous things that are epitomised by (shudder) Holland and Barratt.

I was curious as to where the non plant vitamins that are in supplements come from. Dr Google tells me that they come from bacteria. So not technically vegan then.

Yes I know. They're only bacteria. Fla fla fla. Vegetarians (real ones)  get in a schtoomie over cochineal beetles so maybe we should care about bacteria. Don't dismiss them the way you all dismiss fish.

I love fish. We have pet fish. I object to the lack of fish love people have. Yes, I am sad when a fish dies. Yes, I think mass fishing is cruel and not just because of the (awww) dolphins. I can only eat fish if it has been filleted and bears no resemblance to the fish. I'm crap, yes, I do mostly eat fish because it's good for me rather than a genuine desire for it. Also the fish van man stops specifically outside my door and I feel bad if I don't buy from him.

I make a lot of excuses.

The cuteness thing reminds me of one of the vegan videos I've seen, where the person was asserting that the reason we eat dead cows and not dead kittens is that we have been conditioned to eat meat. No, actually, in the West we have been conditioned not to eat cute things and we happen to think kittens are cute.

I don't like being bombarded with things. I unconnectedly HATE Michael Moore, although I generally agree with what he says. I don't like his sensationalist approach. He doesn't promote veganism as far as I know, he promotes being decent, but I hate his way.

Relevantly, in contrast, I won't be going vegan any day soon. Maybe vegetarian again, but that was meant to start this week and I accidentally had a McDonalds breakfast today.
Diet starts tomorrow.

         *****irony klaxon*****

Mind changing

I remember a time when I used to make my mind up and stay with it.

Not so any more. Decisions are difficult, I have enough difficulty sticking with a menu choice between ordering and eating. Big life decisions are even harder. What if? What if? What if?

So, the decision. As I have now shared this information with my boss, I can divulge unexcitingly that I have decided not to return to work. Which would be in direct contrast to the recent decision to return. Saying as how we're so rich that we don't need help with childcare, I would be working for next to nothing and I'm not going to do that.

By next to nothing, I mean it. I would earn considerably less per week (after childcare) than the amount given as Jobseekers Allowance. I can probably shave that off the shopping bill.

And, contrary to what our esteemed leader believes, we are not a rich family and we will need to do that shaving of the budget.

As to my diet, I don't appear to know. I had some salmon for lunch. Scottish sustainable salmon, but the first fish I've had in a long while.

In four years I have gone from omnivore to vegetarian to pollotarian and now it appears pescetarian. Maybe pescepollotarian, red meat is BAD, but chicken is not. Chicken can make me gag though so I may seek my protein from soy and sustainable fish.

Until I change my beliefs/tastes/mind again.

I don't seem to have changed my political mind however. I still have, according to online quizzes, 100% concurrence with Liberal Democrat policies. Except that one that they actually adhere to, the one where they sit back and let the Tories implement Tory policy.

Dammit.

Fine dining

Masterchef is nearly done and the cooking is vairy vairy posh.

I do wonder what you are to do if you have a limited diet in any way and go to a fine dining occasion where set menus are presented, complete with fish, meat and any manner of offal, feet or shells as garnish. Last night's Masterchef had 238 legal top boffins and it seemed all 238 were served a fish starter and steak main.

Yes, vegetarianism again. Shoot me.

In my limited experience of fine dining it does seem to be that the finer the food, the more the food consists of whole creatures. Seafood particularly is served in its entirety: legs, shells, eggs sometimes. Even in my voracious omnivore days I couldn't eat something that looked like it did when it was alive. Prawns I liked, assuming they came as little curls of meat, not with their entire being attached. Nor could I eat a fish with its head and eyes on my plate. Fish appears more as the menu gets more refined, and the finest is plucked from the sea and plonked more or less directly onto the plate.

Pork also, tasty food, but why serve the trotters and ears? The posher one is, the rawer the beef and lamb are served. Masterchef often criticises contestants for serving meat cooked to what I would describe as edible. Not well done, just cooked. They call it overdone. I've cooked a lot of meat in my time and I have never served it either dry or half raw.

I have on two occasions had genuinely fine dining. Once at a quite marvellous wedding, and once at a Michelin starred restaurant. On both occasions I had vegetarian meals as I was fully vegetarian at the time. On both occasions I was served sublime food that was equal in perfection to any meat dishes. At the restaurant I had the vegetarian taster menu and seriously, if you can get food like that without meat, why would you ever eat meat?

On both the aforementioned occasions however, I was made to feel slightly freakish. I get that most people aren't vegetarian, but there's a sense that eating everything is sophisticated and turning the pigs ears down is crass. More than that, I get the impression that vegetarianism is considered to be the premise of teenagers and tree huggers and anyone else is kind of immature or simply uncultured.

I find as I get older and, one would assume, maturer of mind, that I care more about the planet and the life upon it as a whole. I don't like being made to feel stupid and unworldly for doing so.

Gluten-free is smart and clever; vegetarianism is silly. Unless of course you know anything about nutrition.

I do eat some meat, for now and not for long. I make meat for my children. I like to choose vegetarian dishes when eating out though and I'd like to be able to do so without pasta or mockery.

How to lose friends and intimidate people

I read a lovely lot of ranting today, I nodded along and agreed and enjoyed a good rant by another.

However, I do feel I need to clarify my position on fish and so I'm going to take the easy approach and link to a previous blog that kind of covers it.

Here.

Or you could click the tag "fish" on this one.

While I like to rant on, I worry about offending people. I have my opinions and as this is my blog, I voice them. That doesn't mean I expect everyone to share them. Which would be nice, obviously, but possibly a little dull.

For example, if I was to say "cable knit leggings look awful on anyone over the age of 8", that isn't to mock those of a greater age who have them. Except, don't wear them out of the house. They don't look good. Really. I'm only saying it for your own good.

I can't help it. I offend people all the time and I'm not intentionally nasty. Just intolerant and sarcastic, which are lovely attributes.

I do apologise excessively, it all balances out. I think. People still talk to me, and that's probably not just for my wit and repartee.

Incidentally, if Boris Johnson or David Cameron read this, which they obviously will, then I do mean to offend you. Hugely.

Can't care, won't care

I'm all out of rant.
I'm so lost without it.

I don't care about anything any more. I mean, I do care a bit, I care a bit about a lot of things, but I don't feel evangelical about any of them. I want to. I want to have a subject to bang on about at the drop of a hat that isn't "aren't my children exceptionally talented and beautiful and polite and other things that are of no interest to anyone that isn't their parent?"

See, I care quite a lot about fish. I feel that people who bang on that "meat is murder" and then eat fish are a little hypocritical. Don't get me wrong, two of my most favouritist people in the entire world are pescetarian types, and anyone can eat what they like, but neither of these people are the "murder! murder!" types. I eat chicken occasionally despite being ostensibly vegetarian these days. I also eat jelly babies. I don't care what other people eat. Even fish. Unless it has a head or shell on, then it makes me a bit ill. That's just me, sorry, and it's fine -really! - if you do it when I'm not there. It just seems a bit wrong to say it's cruel to eat a chicken, but it's not cruel to eat a fish. But, I don't want to offend anyone and people are entitled to eat what they want (there aren't diminishing chicken stocks - not Knorr, don't be silly - but we'll not go there). If it's about taste, or preference, or dislike for farming methods, anything like that, fine, but do not tell anyone that it is murder to eat one animal and not another.

Incidentally, they make good pets, they are not just decorative and it does matter when they die.

And that's as passionate as I get about anything and I don't want to offend people so I need to retract most of it.

I care quite a lot about Boris. He is an idiot and I will happily explain why at any given chance. But I get a bit boring about that because it's all transport related. Mention the word "transport" and people glaze over. Also, being passionate about a hatred for a human being is not very nice. I find gleeful mirth at the fact that my clever, clever phone wants to correct "Boris" to "virus" and bore people occasionally.

Do you KNOW what he's wanting to do to traffic lights?

Oh. Ok.

I raise an eyebrow occasionally (rarely a sign of passion) at the reports on why *we* are so much happier in times of crunching credit because now *we* do things like walk in the park and have friends round to the house. Oh do *we*? *We* didn't do this before? What is the point in life if you don't enjoy the stuff that's just THERE? Were *we* that obsessed with things-that-cost-money?

Yada. People drink too much, too often. I don't. I don't see why almost all social occasions have to revolve around getting drunk. See fish comments for "best keep this to myself or I'll offend, well, everyone". Do you really need to be drunk to have a good time? Really? Oh, never mind, social skills aren't all that. Really? Moving on.

The environment. I care. I do what I can without unduly affecting my life. I'm a bit lazy. I think the people that can do anything aren't, and the people who know what they're talking about talk about the wrong things. And the wrong things are being done. It's hard to get passionate about something when you see what the other, more influential, people are doing and getting it wrong. Yes! I have changed all my lightbulbs! Yes, I don't use a tumble drier! Yes, I walk places! Oh, you're landfilling all my rubbish. That's grand. And where do I recycle these things? Hmm? Oh right. Paper only, or I can take bottles to the park. Great. Thanks for your help! Oh good, more biofuel, that's just what we need. Ach, I'll just turn the light on again.

Invasion of privacy: I'm too ignorant to care. Rights of the motorist? Selfish gits, get out and walk. Other things? Can't think of them so I clearly don't care that much.

And so we come to the end of everything I could care about, in a lot more than 140 characters.

Sigh.

Sensory overload!

Exciting things! Hyperbole, hyperbole!

>NB Still in a funk. A fizzy funk. Sort of like Cava.<


Exciting thing uno:

Fireworks. They're always exciting. Except, as always, the first half was seen from the car as no parking space or progression towards site of fireworks was forthcoming. But lights! Bangs! Whees! Damp squibs still working! Squibs may well not actually have been used!


Exciting thing zwei:

The phone. It's lufferly. It's great. I can work it now. It has a thing that "listens" to music and tells you what it is. This is probably the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me. I squealed at it. I'm really not a squealy sort of person. It was that exciting. It works anywhere, I have tested it extensively. The phone does other stuff too, like receive phonecalls, of which I got two dodgy ones today and which I have to raise (stroppily) with Carphone Warehouse tomorrow. One was asking for various bits of information including my bank details, which I wasn't happy about, and I got hung up on when I asked them to tell me what information they had and I'd confirm it, got told that it was against Data Protection, and said that it was ok, they'd established I was me and I authorised them to give me any information I wanted.

I have little tolerance for people that phone me up. I have "Idiot", "New idiot" and Idiot 3" programmed into my landline phone, these are persistent wrong number callers and it's useful to see on Caller Display. I have not yet had the cheek to answer the phone with "you have called the wrong number" but one day I might. They're all of the "who's THAT?" type of callers, the ones that get irritated at you for not being the person they meant to call.

Hello?
Who's that?
It's me.
Who?
Me.
Where's Gemma?
I'm sorry, you've called the wrong number.
Oh.
*hangs up*

space of about 3 seconds

Hello?
Is that you Gemma?
No, you've got the wrong number again.
Argh!
*hangs up*

another 3 seconds

Hello?
Gemma?
No.
*hangs up*

I have a variety of responses for cold callers, depending on the mood I'm in. They amuse me.

But I digress, as often happens when over excited; back to the lufferly phone. It's ever so nice. It does everything I would ever want it to do. Except bluetooth: my old phone and new phone simply won't see each other. I even pointlessly put them face to face and waved them at each other and still, they can't find one another. Silly phones. I may try a formal introduction tomorrow, but no matter how I dress it up, the Samsung knows it's being cast aside for one more aesthetic/generally useful and I suspect this lies at the bottom of its reluctance to bond.

I can access the internet anywhere. I will never get anything done ever again. Woop.

Reviewing: not my strong point.


Exciting thing trois:

Whoever knew how interesting the stock market could be! I suddenly follow what they're on about and find it fascinating. I think this officially makes me grown up even if I do still like making monster leavey feet by scuffing through piles of leaves.


Exciting thing tessera:

Cauliflower! It is exciting! Cauliflower is generally great. And today I received a cookery book that has lots and lots of things to do with cauliflower, and other foods-that-probably-should-be-knighted such as chick peas, mushrooms and courgettes. My mother is resigned to the fact that I'm off meat, she is being as weird as if I've announced I'm leaving my family and going to live in a commune in Tibet. But still, the cookbook was a nice gesture.

There have been two reactions from (most) people to my sudden abandonment of carnivorism. The carnivores take it personally, think it's a phase, and generally shudder at the thought that it might be catching. The vegetarians are victorious and rejoice at my sense prevailing, they have won me over to their cause.

Actually, I'm just off meat. I may go on meat (once I've stopped rejoicing over recipes with cauliflower, mushrooms and chick peas) again, I have no idea. The only thing that's changed is that I finally understand what people are on about, apart from the pescetarians. I will never understand them...

I have sat in a restaurant and watched people eat my pets. Not actually my pets, but you know what I mean. That's not cruel? You eat their EYES.

Why this is exciting: I haven't enjoyed cooking this much in ages. Why am I mentioning fish? Because I am operating at 16x normal speed. These things fall out of my consciousness. No undying love for anyone, I'm doing well.

I should probably sleep now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I may bounce instead.