A view to a drive

Hawick: meh.
(For foreigners, idiots and Englishmen: pronounced "Hoick")

Car: magnifico!

Rain sensitive wipers: probably the most exciting thing I have ever had ever, ever. I clapped
them the first few times. That's true. And I wasn't driving at the time. It infuriatingly didn't rain today, but the relentless sunshine melted enough snow - I know!!! Getting away from the sea results in astonishing climate changes - to cause puddles on the way home. Whoooosh goes the water off the tyres of the inevitable 4x4s. Wipe go the wipers, wipingly and automatically. Clap clap bounces the mad woman in the passenger seat.

Yes, because of course it didn't work when I was driving. But that did leave me free to clap, so that was good really.

Oh, and next time there's freakishly bad snow, don't drive on the A7. One would guess that in times of freakishly bad snow, you don't drive on the A7 unless you have to, ie you probably live thereabouts and know it well. So the stretch of about 1.5 miles with about 5 cars clearly skidded off the road and abandoned in a snowdrift, plus the one wrapped round a telegraph pole, didn't inspire confidence.

So, remember, bad snow: no A7. If you live in Galashiels/Selkirk/similar then stay at home. If you live in Hawick, sorry about that, but don't try and escape in freakish snow. I'd add "by car" but that would be unnecessary. There is no other way out other than the annual bus.

Yeah. Central Scotland is the height of sophistication. I know this. I am vastly superior even if their houses are much prettier. We have broadband. Huh.

Did I mention my car is brilliant?

"Road test":

The brakes work properly. The driver's window goes up and down smoothly. It glides over the road confidently and is only a little sluggish on steep inclines. The rest of the time it is responsive and good to drive. I like driving Vauxhalls so I am an unreliable witness, but it's jolly nice and new and shiny and gadgety and it does what you ask it without wheezing or bits falling off. Gearbox sound, suspension effective but without making the ride too dull, rain sensitive wipers amazing, very shiny.

I can't do it properly. It's new, obviously I like it; it's not a deathtrap and it's my 3rd Vauxhall so it does what I expect. It was also v cheap and the salesman put a silk sheet over it so as to unwrap it. (I fear there may have been more clapping, and at least some squealing. I don't usually clap or squeal). Which was quite wonderful and I do <3 him for that.

Grumpypants likes it, a lot, and not just because of the wipers. He has more discerning taste than I, despite driving a Fiat 500. Which is cool. We are the family that sense/taste/untold riches forgot.

Ooooh, I nearly forgot. The indicators are fabuloso, but odd. The lever returns to the start position and the cancel is automatic, but you don't think it's going to cancel and start wildly indicating the wrong way. But, once you adjust the steering wheel up so you can see the whole dashboard, and get the hang of it (took me 10 mins, so far has taken grumpypants in excess of 2 hours as he's not got it yet. I don't think. He never took back the rude names he called it) it's rather cool. A swift flick and it does the rest. Atta car.

I don't care if swift flick sounds rude. Go away.

Yeah. Purpose. Hawick will be route of choice if weather good and departure time isn't delayed.

C'est moi moi. Encore une fois. Mais maintenant, c'est tout.

Swappage

Incorrect titling there, it's not actually under Vauxhall's Swappage scheme, which is Very Good in normal circumstances, but when you're getting a car for nearly free, you don't necessarily qualify for other discounts. Yes, thank you for buying a new car, we shall now credit you with £3000.

Anyway. Today, at 5pm, as just triple confirmed, I shall be exchanging the old car (not pictured, just the same):

Vauxhall Vectra 1.8 LS, Satin Red
First registered: 15 September 2001
Mileage: 100,500.
Brakes: intermittent
Drivers window: opens 4 inches.
Suspension: does not appear to be present
Insurance group: 9
CO2 emissions: 178 g/km
Fuel consumption (combined): 38 mpg
Output: 113 bhp
0-60: 11.5 sec
Torque:170 Nm 125 lb-ft Nm
Cylinders: 4
Valves: 16 
NCAP rating: ***
Airbags: driver and passenger


I shall be leaving with the following:

Vauxhall Astra 1.4 Active, in Sovereign Silver
First registered: 31 March 2010
Mileage: 0
Brakes, windows & suspension all under 3 year warranty and presumed to work. Brakes have cornering control (!)
Insurance group: 5E
CO2 emissions: 146 g/km
Fuel consumption: 46.3 mpg
0-60: 12.8 sec

Output: 90PS 

Torque: 125 Nm 92 lb-ft Nm    

Cylinders: 4

Valves: 16

NCAP rating: *****

Airbags: Driver, passenger, side impact and full size curtain.

Nifty stuff not present on old car:

RAIN SENSITIVE WIPERS!!!!!!!!! Old car doesn't even have variable intermittent wipe. I get mildly psychotic about any raindrops on my windscreen. And yes, that is important. 

Aux input! although I will probably still use iRiver as, erm, haven't got a wire. May get wire. Also has MP3 CD player so may just use that. The choices!

Automatic lights: because it's very hard to differentiate between light and dark.

I am also hugely excited about the windows having one-touch-up, but the old car has that, it's only down it has issues with. Still: exciting.

Multi function trip computer: so I can be a proper pleb.

Steering wheel mounted controls: admittedly present on old car but disabled due to replacement stereo 

Foldable key. No, I don't get it either. Ooh, wouldn't scratch phone/make holes in pocket. Yeah, good. 

Other stuff like aircon, remote central locking, power steering, ABS and stuff are all present on the deathtrap and still function. Nice, but not new. Despite maintaining that all cars should be black, and decreeing that the other car in the household MUST be black, this is now my 4th non black car (satin red, admiral blue, satin red, sovereign silver)

And so ends another yawnsomely tedious post. I do apologise.

New car?

Hmph.
Hmph.

18/3: Car ordered. Car built, ready to deliver, no modifications. Cheapness due to car SITTING THERE NEEDING SOLD.

26/3: Car "arrived at preparation centre"
DVLA to register car 26/3 or 29/3.

30/3: car still not registered. Car sitting at garage now. Expressed concern that delivery by end of March is condition of deal. Explaination that new system caused bottleneck and 68 cars all need to be delivered by end of March. Panic abounds at garage. Usual solution: meeting to discuss what to do. Silent suggestion: do something instead of talking about it.

31/3: DVLA still not registered car. Cannot be insured and taxed until registered. Will be checked hourly, apparently, they'd like to get it done today to "ensure I can take advantage of full discount". AKA they want to ensure they get full commission. Pointed out small fact of being unprepared to take car at higher price. Ho and lebold, car will *definitely* be registered today, even if I don't get it till Thursday/Friday/Saturday (what they'll do with it till Saturday is a mystery).

Sincerely hoping to update later...


UPDATE:

!!!!!!!!

Car is now registered, taxed and insured! For some inexplicable reason it cannot be collected until tomorrow, but still... !!! Price guaranteed, collection tomorrow 5pm.

And so:

Excitement ahoy! NewcartomorrowithasrainsensitivewipersIvealwayswantedthem.