Blowin' in the Wind

'twas a little blowy out today.

95mph at the Forth Road Bridge, resulting in closure of said bridge. Normally not particularly a tragedy - if annoying on principle - people getting stuck this side of the bridge is fine for those of us stuck at home, it was bad today on account of it being my twins' sixth birthday and their grandparents selfishly living on the other side of the bridge.

Incidentally the principle in question regarding the Forth Bridge is due to the non closure of the bridge for 40 years, then last winter during the endless snow they had to close it. Precedent set, it's been closed to all vehicles on at least two occasions this year for wind speeds not unheard of before. I don't believe they would have shut it fully had they not got that first time hurdle out of the way.

I shudder to think what mayhem will unfold should any snow appear this winter. We're primed for last year, because weather is predictable and repetitive in that manner. Major panic and immediate shutdown will undoubtably occur as the total snowfall reaches 4mm. Just. In. Case. Virtually every shop in my town sells snow shovels and the likes. "Be prepared" they tell us, while urging us to fit snow chains to our tyres. No, sorry, we can't repair any roads because we spent the budget on salt.

The last gusty panic mongering winds were nicknamed Hurricane Bawbag, the humour of which escapes me other than the initial mirth at foreigners talking about Bawbag. But the ensuing jokes circulating afterwards just eluded my sense of humour. This did appear to be just me, everyone else got it.

So today, "return of hurricane Bawbag" comments were rife. Today was much worse as well, the damage is quite horrifying and people I know* came seriously close to injury. But the return? No. Hurricanes don't work like that. They move on a letter. The next letter after B is C.

If ONLY there was an amusing word that started with C.

* yes, it's worse if I know them.

Freaking out

Aargh! Eek! OMIGOD!
I am having a freaking out attack. Like actually having a racing heartrate and difficulty breathing.

I can't do this work! I don't understand it! I've got no time to do it!

And I've gone retarded. I just wrote an email of apology, starting with "I am really sorry" but I missed out the word "sorry" so it says "I am really".
Insert word of choice: sorry, stupid, careless, ambivalent, thirsty, looking forward to the weekend, sick... the options are literally endless.

Never mind. I said sorry again later. Or to be precise, "please accept my apologies" because it was THAT type of email. Mince for brains. Mince.

Anyway, deep breath, can concentrate. It's ok. I can do this.

I need a ruler and a pencil. This is alien. Where do I keep these things? I only normally need them for exams. Exam stuff. Umm. My phone has a ruler on it but the edges are a bit phone-y.

I am going to locate a ruler. I may be some time. Don't wait up. Unless you have a ruler?

UPDATE: no ruler was forthcoming in the drawer-where-things-like-rulers-live (although I did find a number of pens, two automatic pencils, a lipstick and my calculator as well as the stuff expected to be there) nor was one apparent in any of the stashy hideyholes, so a trip to Asda was required to purchase a ruler. I miss my desk, but I now have a ruler. Hurrah!