Without reason

Sometimes things happen for no reason whatsoever, they are genuinely random things. They just do, but something in human nature makes us demand to know "why?".

Actually, that's not true. We only want to know why when it's a bad thing. We don't spend ages wondering why it was that the £10 note was in the gutter, why it was you that happened to be there to find it and why not someone else. No, the need for reason is reserved for the awful.

The shootings in Cumbria are one of those diabolical news items that chills you to the bone, that makes you hug close your loved ones and shudder at the thought that something as random as that could happen to anyone, anywhere. It's horrible. The immediate thought is as to why the perpetrator couldn't have taken his own life without the shootings of other people first. But we cannot ever know why, and to dwell on it is unhealthy. Justice cannot prevail, for the man is dead.

I read a blog just now as to the reason we need to know why, for peace of mind. It states that different explanations as to why will help other people find peace. And that religion will be of great help to many.

I have issues with that.

It is unexplainable; any explanations are made up. We cannot know why he did it. What possible purpose is there in surmising invented motivations?

It doesn't affect most people. It didn't happen to them, their loved ones are safe. The grief and suffering by those who were affected is none of our business. Other people would have died outwith Cumbria yesterday, some of them horrifically. Their loved ones will be devastated just as much, but will be allowed to grieve in their own way, privately.

There's a disgusting hierachy of death and how sad it is. Really, the only factor relevant is how the deceased relates to you, and I don't believe for a moment that the way in which they died makes it easier or harder to deal with. Had your loved one been gunned down in Whitehaven, would that have been worse than if they had been run over in Kendal? Or killed in Afghanistan? Or died of natural causes?

I'm not for a moment suggesting that the shootings are other than devastating, don't get me wrong, but there's something slightly sickening about the mass claiming of grief. Having seen the effect the shootings in Dunblane had on a community, it's utterly wrong to presume any level of understanding.

And religion? How? Did God not like the gunman and his victims? How can religion explain that?

There's no follow up news. The man is dead, there should be no ongoing investigation or justice. We can't know why and we have no business to make up possible reasons. The loved ones of the victims need to be left alone to cope.

NB I do know his name. I am not recording it.

Funeral

Death is sad, there is no question about that. Death takes a person away from those who love them, it removes any last vestiges of hope, and it is final. It may bring feelings of loss, anger, guilt, frustration. All negative emotions. For those to whom it means relief, which must always be accompanied by guilt for thinking so, then it marks the end of a terrible time, a full stop to a nightmare.

But a funeral is a beautiful thing.

It celebrates and shows respect for the life of an individual, remembering the person they were, not perhaps the person they became as life ebbed away.

It brings together those who loved the departed, allowing them to grieve and say their goodbyes, each cherishing their own memories.

It allows those who love the bereaved to provide support and comfort without awkwardness. Families come together, joined in their sorrow. But they cast aside grievances, catch up on each others' lives, care for each other and promise to meet up before the next funeral - hope for a wedding.

The service is of comfort even if all the words don't make sense. Regardless of belief, the words reiterate that the departed are no longer suffering, their troubles are over.

It would be wrong to say that funerals are nice - nothing that has a prerequisite of death can be nice - but they are full of love and that in itself is wonderful.

A moment to be morbid

I have a fear, it is of death. I'm always convinced that people are going to die horribly, and I have a perpetual fear of my own death. It doesn't stop me doing things, oh no, I'll cheerfully risk my health and my safety without giving a moment's notice to survival, but it does make me have nightmares and causes an amount of entirely unnecessary fretting.

There's a number of things I do that I "have" to do right there and then in case I or the other person(s) involved should die and then I'd never have the chance. Which is completely illogical. I get the heeby jeebies about any mention of death; this post is probably going to give me a coronary. I joked about being murdered (laugh a minute, me) the other day and have been having kittens ever since about the increased likelihood of my being murdered as a direct result of having mentioned it. I just got a shiver down my spine right there thinking about it. I'm back to checking the back seat before I get in my car in case my assailant is hiding there. Not logical, not positive, not sensible, not very me.

I have a complete fear of Death the person/creature/being (that there pic is scary scary when it's big). I'm not that scared by horror films but I did however get competely freaked out by both Last Action Hero and Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, neither of which are notoriously scary, but which both contain Death. I literally had nightmares about the Dementors in Harry Potter because they're a lot like the image of Death. I quite want to read Mort by Terry Pratchett to see if maybe getting to know the character might help... but I'm too scared.

Any time I get ill, I think "this is it". Headache: brain tumour. Stomach ache: bowel cancer. Indigestion: heart attack. I don't take myself off to the doctor or even mention it to anyone else so I'm not a total hypochondriac, but I do fret about it at 3am. Likewise, I fret about other people who have anything whatsoever wrong with them, maybe that perpetual sore throat is throat cancer, John Diamond didn't live very long at all and he had an excellent prognosis initially.

Having a general anaesthetic is my number one fear, I've had one twice, once as a child and once as a very nervous adult that was desperately praying to something-that-isn't-god that I would wake up afterwards. Anyone else having a GA probably thinks I'm insane because I do all the "I love you"s prior to the op and insist on being notified instantly upon their awakening. Which quite probably freaks them out themselves and isn't the reassurance someone needs at that time.

Why so morbid? Well, I blame the dead people. Inconsiderate swines.