Hangover

Bleurgh. Being somewhat out of practice of the old drinking thing, I forgot how awful hangovers are.

Good night out, followed by 3am sickness. Poor sleep, punctuated by thumping head and shivers. Surprise sickness later on didn't help much either.

The cure, as every drunkard Scot knows, is Irn Bru. Having dispatched grumpypants to procure some Irn Bru, with the desperate instruction of "even if it's Iron Brew", imagine my displeasure when he returned with no juice at all. Not even Pepsi Max which is my drink of choice usually and which was half price. "you said Irn Bru" he protested, having refused to buy Iron Brew on principle.

10pm I got my Irn Bru, for that is when I was well enough to go out myself.

It was good.

Girrrderrrs

An investigation into the wonder that is Irn Bru yielded some information that I feel compelled to share.

However, much of it comes from Wiki, naturally, which begins with:

Irn Bru (pronounced Iron Brew)...

Nooooooooo! It is so not!

Irn. No second vowel. And the oo of Bru is a shorter sound than the oo of brew. Irn Bru. Unpronounceable too. Remember?

But still. Onward.


Previously acknowledged facts about Irn Bru:

1) World champion hangover cure. Best served as a can, opened upon going to bed, drunk (down in one) a few hours later when the thirst of death awakens you. Should inebriation prevent this lack of preparation, then once the near death stage of hangover has passed, Irn Bru can be drunk and full health can be grasped at instantly. If full planning has been neglected, being able to journey to the shop to get Irn Bru and consume same will indicate that recovery has begun.

2) The only adequate accompaniment beverage to a chippy. In a glass bottle, which you save till you have about 18 empties and really need cigarettes, then you exchange them shamedfacedly at a different shop than you bought them in for cash/credit.

3) Nothing stains like Irn Bru. It's not so good for your teeth either. But ssssssh. It tastes smashing.

4) Irn Bru adverts are phenomenal. They are. Remember the ones from the 80s, I think I posted them before? Ahhh, the insanely strong red haired wee boy bending lamp posts and lifting a steamroller? The Forth Bridge, constructed from Irn Bru? The Coke advert parody? And newer ones... The cheery Goths? The cow that wanted to be washed down by Irn Bru when it became a burger? The Snowman parody? Brilliant, all of them. Hugely complained about which just confirms their brilliance.

5) Vodka and Irn Bru is very nice, never ever, ever order it for yourself.

So. New facts.

A.G. Barr was Andrew Greig Barr, brother of the original founder Robert Barr, and head of the factory in Glasgow where they began producing Irn Bru in 1901.

The name supposedly comes from being produced as a drink to stop steelworkers drinking so much beer. Hence Iron. And when it was changed from Brew to Bru on account of not being brewed, it became Irn Bru.

It may or may not outsell Coke in Scotland. Many tell that Scotland is the only country anywhere that Coke is not the best selling soft drink, but sources disagree. Whatever, it's either the best selling or nearly the best. And wiki tells me it's the third best selling (after Coke and Pepsi and ahead of 7up and Fanta etc) in the UK. Which is good, it used to be hard to source in England. I got distinctly excited in about 1990 at being able to purchase a can in Windsor, only to be told sniffily (as is the way in Windsor) that everywhere sold it. They probably thought we always sold Sprite too.

Robin Barr (great grandson or thereabouts), chairman of AG Barr, was/is one of only two people to know the recipe, and he mixed the essence once a month, which he was to continue after he stood down as chairman. In time he intended to pass the recipe and mixing duties to his daughter, Julie, which may or may not have happened by now. The other person who knows the recipe is not documented; they are not allowed on the same plane as Robin Barr. The recipe is written down and stored in a bank vault (just in case), presumably someone else has access to that or that's all pointless. There's a film in there. Been done? Not Scottishly enough if it has. Sean Connery could play Robin Barr.

There's more, but I have to return to my drink: a can of Diet Irn Bru. It's not the same, but it is nice.

Now it feels like Christmas

HMV came good, I love them again. 4 little parcels of Christmas. Muppet Christmas Carol for me, hurrah! hurrah! I finally own it! And The Snowman/Father Christmas for the boys, they are glued to The Snowman just now. Peace and tranquility for a while.

Which reminds me:



that's ace.

I don't know if you can see, changes that have come over me

Ah, I'm having a patriotic moment. The homesick Scot song, Caledonia on an advert to "try" and persuade Scots to come home in 2009. Because, like, it's so much better here... What do you want with a good job? Beautiful scenery to the left of you, don't look right.

Possible cynicism at the timing, just before Hogmanay and all...

You can view the ad here, if it gets to work, if it doesn't, it features actors Sir Sean Connery and Brian Cox, cycling star Chris Hoy and golfer Sam Torrance, musicians Lulu, Sandi Thom, Eddi Reader and Amy Macdonald, plus Kelly Brown and Thom Evans from the Scotland rugby team.

It's cheesetastic, but it made me proud for a moment. I want Sean Connery to read me bedtime stories. I know, I know, but he's damned lovely. I keep replaying that and swooning at his bit.

This song was featured on one of my favourite ever adverts, a Tennents one from 1990:



Sigh. Grand. I wish it was 1990.

So the guy gets sick of London, he heads home to Scotland, takes in the beauty of Edinburgh... and goes to a pub for a pint of Tennents? Like he wouldn't head to the chippy for a white pudding supper and a tin of Irn Bru?

Irn Bru ought to be the one thing that represents Scotland. It's special. It's magical for curing hangovers. We're the only country in the world (I think) that doesn't have Coke as the best selling soft drink. We have Irn Bru fridges. We have Irn Bru taxis. We love Irn Bru.

Come home, we drink Irn Bru here. That's enough to get anyone home.

Also from about 1990, the best Irn Bru advert ever, a parody of Coke adverts, and erm, it was about 1990, it's not its fault:



More here

I apologise to the eardrums of anyone that clicked all of those, it's all terrible, I know this. It makes me proud to be a Scot though, cheese and all.

Irn Bru

Irn Bru
Irn Bru
Every morning we drink you
Orange and fizzy, sweet and sticky
Straight from the fridge we devour you

Juice of all juices, may you fizz and chill
Fizz and chill per-fectly

Irn Bru
Irn Bru
Quench our thirsts here forever.


Notes:
1) to the tune of Edelweiss from the Sound of Music. Sigh, Captain von Trapp. Sigh.
2) actually represented in this house by Diet Iron Brew, I am a heretic.
3) No songs in this house have the right words. This was in fact sung. Badly.
4) THIS IS NOW ON THE IRN BRU WEBSITE!!!!!