Childishly brilliant

How to feel clever: compare yourself to children and/or idiots.

The most spectacular job interview I have ever done followed an hour or so of watching the videos of unsuccessful Big Brother candidates.

And therein lies the appeal of such programmes, the viewer is assured that no matter how rubbish they may have suspected themselves to be, they would obviously be better on camera, do better in tasks, relate better to people etc. Except the viewer is WAY too sensible to be on camera.

But then you get programmes that the participants have to display a level of skill. Which can be daunting. Mastermind, how stupid not to know the 18th century history of tablemaking! And Masterchef, baulking at the sight of fish heads probably wouldn't look too great. By the time the latter rounds arrive the level of skill is quite sobering. Top Gear are still not doing "completely unknown person in a very expensive car". The cads. So in imaginary world, the one where you take part in tv shows, do better than anyone previous, but fail to be broadcast, there's little chance to shine.

Roll on the Juniors. I can tolerate about one episode of Junior Mastermind (on account of the precociousness) but that one episode is generally self affirming. The specialised topics may be Tracy Beaker or something else chosen entirely to make very young adults like myself feel elderly, but mostly one can do rather well overall.

Junior Masterchef I could definitely do. I can identify tuna! And wrapping chicken in bacon seems to be the dish du jour - the scallops and black pudding for young uns. I could do that!!

I am 3 times the age of some of the participants. That aside, I could definitely do well if I was allowed to take part. Sadly, the attachment of "Junior" seems to allow for serious ageism. Scandalous!!

Having said all that, there are some programmes that it doesn't matter. At all.

So you think you can dance? No, not really. Thanks for asking.

I guess it's time to write that novel...

Top Gear

Top Gear shouldn't be good. It's all about cars; bad bad evil cars, polluting the environment, encouraging laziness etc etc, and it's presented by Jeremy Clarkson, who is also bad, evil, environment polluting and encouraging of laziness.


But it is one of the most watchable programmes on TV.

Cars are exciting, there's no denying that. No, there isn't.

Environmental issues aside, cars go fast, they have lots of gadgets, they are fun to drive and people will continue to drive them and lust after bigger, better, faster. It's not to deny that the car causes immense problems, but it does acknowledge that they are loved. And as long as there are people who want to drive their cars, so there will be people who try to make it possible without destroying the planet.

Clarkson is incredibly funny, incredibly good at presenting, with something witty to say about most things and if you see beneath the parody, he's an intelligent bloke that does care about things. And in case of sounding heightist (6'5!!), Richard Hammond is also rather wonderful (and isn't actually all that short, just short compared to Jeremy). James May is also ace, the banter between the three of them is cheering to watch, especially having seen the emotions immediately after Hammond's jet crash.

Sunday evenings can always bring a smile, if only for the dream of cruising in a seriously good car, but more often than not there's genuine belly laughs.

No illusion shattering please, the warm glow of enjoying watching something good remains and any removal with facts will result in extreme displeasure.

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