2008

So it's Hogmanay. Given that I've never really got the hang of New Year, despite insisting that everyone else should have a jolly good time, it is so not worth trying to land a babysitter tonight. So, nothing happening.

It's difficult to look back on this year and not feel kind of depressed. I've done several unspeakably stupid things, I've been incredibly slothful, I've achieved very very little and I've lost some friends. I'm in pretty much the exact same position I was in this time last year, still with all the same complaints, but with a considerably heavier conscience. And I've been blimmin' 33 for all bar the very start of 2008.

But that's the way of sadness.

For the parents of Emily, Freya and Liam, 2008 saw the arrival of precious little bundles.

For Grania and Andrew, and Isla and James, 2008 was the year in which they got married.

For me, 2008 was the year in which my children grew into talking, opinionated, wise, competent and funny little people. It was the year that I discovered various fantastic things that were written/made before but which I encountered for the first time. It was the year I got to *know* wonderful people. It was the year I passed exams and coursework and found my brain to be in full working order after years of stagnation. It was the year I turned vegetarian, which is surely a good thing.

And so, 2008 shall not be dismissed as all bad, all those things will be looked back on fondly.

2009 is anticipated eagerly, with my 34th birthday imminent, and I have a conviction that this is going to be the year of achievement.

It's the thought that counts

Well, a life was practically had this evening. We were to go and see The Complete Stone Roses, playing at a club round the corner, but as evening approached we decided we couldn't actually be bothered. Mostly based on the fact that the tickets were expensive(ish) as they included the after party, something that would have excited me 15 years ago and which doesn't exactly appeal in my dotage. So nothing was done, but surely the opportunity and the turning down thereof counts as having a life?

And then, the plan to watch one of the two "best films of the year", except, the means with which to watch them is currently in several pieces being upgraded. I can't even remember what they were, something about old men and something else I completely forget the name of.

Hmm. Too woolly.

There we go: There will be Blood and (I've forgotten again, hud on...) No Country for Old Men. One of those. Not being watched tonight. It seemed important to watch them during 2008, there's always tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Hogmanay. I am a big believer in doing on New Year's Day what you want to be doing most of the coming year, but tend to view it more as NOT doing the things I don't want to do much. I am particularly expecting great things of 2009, for everyone, and so I'd like to start it off in a shiny manner. Shiny house, shiny soul. Something like that. So I intend to have the grand decluttering tomorrow. Get rid of all those things I've been meaning to get rid of forever. In a day. Ha ha ha ha. Nothing like a spot of optimism. I have too much stuff. I like stuff. I don't have room for stuff. I don't need stuff. I can't really be bothered. I'm going to do it. I am. Think positive. Sleep well and prosper.

I fully expect this to go the way of all other plans made today. But tomorrow is another day and maybe, just maybe, I'll achieve something miraculous.

Unconnected thought 1: Alive. Good.
Unconnected thought 2: Very pedantic. Good.

Positivity

I'm feeling a little warm and fuzzy. Or fizzy, as I seem to find the locating of the correct keys in the correct order a little challenging tonight.

So, the fizzy fuzziness is a result of that Christmas thing. Christmas itself was a little tiring due to ill people not sleeping between Christmas Eve and Boxing Day, and stupid people not going to bed when they can. But the whole time around is just lovely. A little impetus to catch up with people and suddenly you remember that perhaps you're not as crap as you thought you were and that people aren't necessarily pissed off with you. It's easy to spend time with people after all. And it's always nice to get stuff. I like stuff. I got lots of lovely stuff.

Going to a splendid wedding on the 20th helped set the mood, but it's nice. I refuse to accept that it's not nice. Yes, I spent most of Christmas Day in the kitchen. Yes, I have had to see virtually all of my relatives. Yes, it's been hectic. Yes, I'm knackered and yes, I couldn't afford it. But it's all been nice and sort of life affirming. Spending Christmas Day with two children who have no memories of previous Christmases is simply magical, the discovery of Santa's visit was one of my best parenting moments yet. And I got to write my first letter from Santa! All nice. Nice nice nice and I have nice people.
(And crap ones, but they're crap and thus aren't entering my psyche at the moment because they don't deserve to, and because they are insignificant and diminished by the sheer existence of all the nice people).

However, Christmas is over, it doesn't really go on for 12 days and enough already, thank you.

People seem to be feeling a bit bla at the moment. Noone seems to have had a good year. Some have had less good, some have had ok years, but noone seems to have said "yes, this was a good year". Everything seems to be petering out, ending, getting too much to cope with; people are putting their heads down and surviving, licking their wounds, trying to get to the end. It's saddening, but it does seem to be universal.

But look! There is an end! An end to this year. A new year starts in just a few days, and marks a new beginning. For everything that has ended, so there must be a new beginning for something else. 2008 was to be the year of new beginnings, but it forgot and instead stamped a big final full stop to all those things. 2009 will be the rebirth year. 2009 will be the year that all those things that should have happened already actually happen. 9's a good number.

Trust me.