Pah

Conversation with kids first thing Sunday morning:
Sleepy parent: so, who wants to go to the cinema?
Marginally elder child: nah
Marginally younger child: I don't want to see Up!
SP: no, no, it's a different film. Come and see *pats bed*

Children assemble round phone. Sleepy parent puts on trailer for Alvin/Chipmunk/Squeakquel.
MEC: that's rubbish
MYC: that's rubbish *leaves room*
Sleepy parent puts on trailer for Astroboy.
MEC: that boy's flying! *watches intently till end* can we look at YouTube now?
SP: so do you want to go and see Astroboy at the cinema?
MEC: is Astroboy the flying boy?
SP: yes
MEC: nah

Sleepy parent admits defeat.

Later on, new approach...

Wearied parent: So. Who fancies going out for something to eat?
Both children: nah
WP: or we could get a DVD
MYC: I don't want to see Up!
WP: no, we could get Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs?
BC: nah.

So. Nothing was done. Mario was played.

Lack of enthusiasm for films is blamed entirely on Up. On their sole outing (to date) trip to the cinema, stupid parent decided on Up, being Disney/Pixar and all, great for 3 year olds, as they were at the time. Younger twin was scared by the main character and the dogs, older twin was just bored.

Yes. Pixar are great. Toy Story and Cars are fantastic. They have less good films, but they're generally impressive.

Disney have a duty (ahem) to make kids' films. For kids. Actual kids of a young age, not overage kids.

Wall-e is not-that-great for kids. Fairly complicated story, not enough kid stuff to keep them entertained. But it's ok, kids quite enjoy it, even though it's leaning towards the adults. Disney/Pixar films, of which Toy Story is the best examples, usually have the brilliance to work on two levels, one for children and one for adults, with some elements that appeal to both.

Or they used to. Wall-e misses out the kids' element but scrapes through on the appeals to both bit. Scores fantastically on adults' appeal: homages for film geeks, stunning visuals, humour, good story.

Up fails entirely to appeal to kids, small kids anyway. Story, complex. Woman dies at start, breaking husband's heart. Great!! Action, sort of scary, not a lot. Humour: nope, unless you're 8. Cute characters: one. We liked Doug. The others were pretty poor. There's not much for adults and I really think there's a finite audience age. Of 8-12.

Sometimes it seems there should be another classification of "probably won't appeal to littleys", maybe an 8. PG would do I guess. But Wall-e and Up, and the likes of Hannah Montana and High School Musical, are rated U. On the - fair enough - basis that they contain nothing objectionable. (Which is patently not true for HSM but that's another matter). But can't there be an indication that it may not be objectionable but possibly still isn't ideal for small children? Yes, parental discretion should be able to decide - no, we won't go and see High School Musical 77 - but that discretion tends to assume that animated offerings from Disney/Pixar would be ok.

Idiotic parent chose - based on reviews - to see Up, rather than Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Big mistake. The cinema is now a despised thing.

And goes to show:

Reviewers review on the wrong criteria. Five star films should always be enjoyable. Also, Cars is wayyyyy superior to Wall-e. Wayyy. Oh, what do reviewers know? More on that another time...

And Disney? Please think of the kids rather than the Oscars.

Although, to be fair, the Princess and the Frog seems suitably saccharine, but I think allegiance here has permanently shifted to Dreamworks.

Pah!

Films, mostly starting with A

An idea is forming (arising from drooling over Frankie and Benny's quite astonishingly tempting menu, ok, I'm only human) for taking les enfants terrible for a bonza half term/valentines-for-the-babysittingly-challenged premature grand day out. Consisting of film and food, if he-what-pays agrees.

So, food not too much trauma based on the "look, bacon followed by apple crumble" argument, but there is a definite issue of film choice. A consultation with Flixster - which has got surprisingly useful all of a sudden, wikipedia stylee - tells me, trailers and all, of the following films that could possibly be suitable for chiddlers.

Avatar. Looks quite shiny, 3D is intriguing (ish), quite interested to see. Kids may well enjoy...
2 hours 40 long???? Yikes! Why why why? There is undoubtedly a whole hour's worth of padding, can't you get a "Fidgeter's Cut" with all the waffle/scenic nothingness cut out? Suitable for children and people that have issues with too long films?

So Avatar's out. I would quite possibly like it but might be prone to a snooze in the middle so will wait for DVD.

The Princess and the Frog. Disney's latest, cute, lots of singing and... erm, I'm the only girl. So 3 out of 4 members of the party wouldn't like it, and I'm not sure I've even got the stomach for Randy Newman, x chromosome or not.

Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Squeakuel. Yikes. Singing chipmunks? Which we have free child tickets for due to some shockingly evil, bad, contemptible person taking My Children to McDonalds. (It may quite possibly have been their mother. Um). The boys might well like this and I could float onto a plane of tolerance and cute liking and "ooh look, it's Earl!!!"ness. But the remaining member of the party, purchaser of tickets and required adult to accompany free second child, is unlikely to agree. Ever. May bribe with DS if he promises not to show the other children.

Astroboy seems ideal. Not too cute for grumpy old men or princess hating boys, doesn't appear to have songs and does have Nicolas Cage as a character's voice. But gets terrible reviews and doesn't have free tickets.

These are the projected outcomes for family outing tomorrow:

Option 1: there isn't any outing. Mother type gets mocked for ridiculous (or dericulous depending if the speaker is 4 or not) ideas.

Option 2: Astroboy is watched. May be good (looks good and Up got fabulous reviews so *they* clearly don't have a clue). No food on account of crippling costs of cinema tickets.

Hmmmm.

Excuse me, I need to plant ideas in the children's minds while they sleep...

It's the thought that counts

Well, a life was practically had this evening. We were to go and see The Complete Stone Roses, playing at a club round the corner, but as evening approached we decided we couldn't actually be bothered. Mostly based on the fact that the tickets were expensive(ish) as they included the after party, something that would have excited me 15 years ago and which doesn't exactly appeal in my dotage. So nothing was done, but surely the opportunity and the turning down thereof counts as having a life?

And then, the plan to watch one of the two "best films of the year", except, the means with which to watch them is currently in several pieces being upgraded. I can't even remember what they were, something about old men and something else I completely forget the name of.

Hmm. Too woolly.

There we go: There will be Blood and (I've forgotten again, hud on...) No Country for Old Men. One of those. Not being watched tonight. It seemed important to watch them during 2008, there's always tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Hogmanay. I am a big believer in doing on New Year's Day what you want to be doing most of the coming year, but tend to view it more as NOT doing the things I don't want to do much. I am particularly expecting great things of 2009, for everyone, and so I'd like to start it off in a shiny manner. Shiny house, shiny soul. Something like that. So I intend to have the grand decluttering tomorrow. Get rid of all those things I've been meaning to get rid of forever. In a day. Ha ha ha ha. Nothing like a spot of optimism. I have too much stuff. I like stuff. I don't have room for stuff. I don't need stuff. I can't really be bothered. I'm going to do it. I am. Think positive. Sleep well and prosper.

I fully expect this to go the way of all other plans made today. But tomorrow is another day and maybe, just maybe, I'll achieve something miraculous.

Unconnected thought 1: Alive. Good.
Unconnected thought 2: Very pedantic. Good.

more films

Yougov has a list of "great films".

Voila:

The Godfather
The Shawshank Redemption
Pulp Fiction
Schindler’s List
Star Wars (any)
Lord of the Rings (any)
Fight Club
Casablanca
Psycho
The Silence of the Lambs
Citizen Kane
The Matrix
Apocalypse Now
A Clockwork Orange
E.T.
Monty Python (any)
Some Like It Hot
The Great Escape
The Wizard of Oz
Raiders of the Lost Ark

Now, I have seen the ones I have bolded, 16 out of 20.

I feel better, even if I don't agree with a lot of them.

Yawn

Where are all the good films?

I watched "Once Upon a Time in the Midlands" last night, believing it to be a good film. Yawn. Nothing really happened in it. Rhys Ifans was very good with not-a-lot to work with, Robert Carlyle was perfectly good with a completely over the top character. Kathy Burke was as good as ever in the same role she always plays, ditto to Ricky Tomlinson. Nothing really happened in it, it just started, went along a bit, and finished.

Disappointing. Like most films.

Films

Well, one of my 101 things is to try to have seen at least half of the top 100 films. I've been trying to get such a list for some time, but I can't seem to get a definitive list. I tried to see if Andrew Collins had ever done one and got a bit scared by the 1-19 I could find. So I'm going with IMDb's one, theoretically it should be representative. Except the average person is a moron and I don't agree with their taste. But as the purpose is to not be an idiot with any film references, the widely agrees top 100 should cover the basic knowledge. And I don't like more films than I do like, so it stands to reason I'd dislike a lot of them.

So, here's the list and a note of which ones I've seen (the bold ones I've seen):

1 The Shawshank Redemption (1994) (overrated)
2 The Godfather (1972)
3 The Dark Knight (2008)
4 The Godfather: Part II (1974)
5 Buono, il brutto, il cattivo., Il (1966)
6 Pulp Fiction (1994) (never fancy it, enjoyable when I do watch it)
7 Schindler's List (1993) (brilliant)
8 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) (really good)
9 Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980) (just for Darth Vader
10 12 Angry Men (1957)
11 Casablanca (1942)
12 Star Wars (1977) (I do like this)
13 Shichinin no samurai (1954)
14 The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
15 Goodfellas (1990)
16 Rear Window (1954) (One of those films that was fine without a remake)
17 Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) (I have seen this, in about 1981, I remember nothing)
18 Cidade de Deus (2002)
19 C'era una volta il West (1968)
20 The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) (GODDDD. I slept through some)
21 The Usual Suspects (1995) (Amazing film, I love this)
22 Psycho (1960) (Probably would have been better if I didn't know everything that happened before I watched it)
23 Fight Club (1999) (Really good, but I kind of wish I hadn't seen it because it's disturbing)
24 Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) (I can't abide Peter Sellers, he spoils this)
25 The Silence of the Lambs (1991) (Good, except I can't stand Jodie Foster's voice)
26 WALL·E (2008)
27 North by Northwest (1959)
28 Memento (2000) (Brilliant)
29 Citizen Kane (1941) (May have been amazing at the time, now it's tedious)
30 Sunset Blvd. (1950)
31 The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
32 The Matrix (1999) (Good, but I always fall asleep, I don't think I've seen it all in one sitting)
33 It's a Wonderful Life (1946) (Just really nice)
34 Se7en (1995) (I liked this at the time, I can't remember now)
35 Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
36 Apocalypse Now (1979)
37 Taxi Driver (1976) (Don't remember anything about this other than the overused line)
38 American Beauty (1999) (More unnerving than good)
39 Léon (1994) (Astounding)
40 American History X (1998)
41 Vertigo (1958)
42 Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Le (2001)
43 Paths of Glory (1957)
44 The Departed (2006)
45 M (1931)
46 To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
47 A Clockwork Orange (1971) (Not as good as it's supposed to be)
48 Chinatown (1974)
49 The Third Man (1949)
50 Alien (1979)
51 Forrest Gump (1994) (I loved this at the time, there's been so many parodies it seems a bit sad now)
52 Leben der Anderen, Das (2006)
53 The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
54 Double Indemnity (1944)
55 The Shining (1980) (Don't remember enough)
56 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) (Amazing)
57 The Pianist (2002)
58 Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001)
59 Saving Private Ryan (1998) (First 15 mins is fantastic, rest is tedious)
60 Laberinto del fauno, El (2006)
61 Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) (Fantastically silly)
62 Requiem for a Dream (2000)
63 L.A. Confidential (1997) (I really liked this)
64 The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
65 Aliens (1986)
66 Boot, Das (1981) (Amazing)
67 Reservoir Dogs (1992)
68 Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) (This was the best film ever at the time, it's still really good)
69 Rashômon (1950)
70 The Maltese Falcon (1941)
71 Raging Bull (1980)
72 Untergang, Der (2004)
73 Metropolis (1927)
74 No Country for Old Men (2007)
75 Modern Times (1936)
76 City Lights (1931)
77 Rebecca (1940)
78 Singin' in the Rain (1952)
79 All About Eve (1950)
80 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
81 The Prestige (2006)
82 There Will Be Blood (2007)
83 Amadeus (1984)
84 Vita è bella, La (1997)
85 Sin City (2005)
86 Some Like It Hot (1959) (You can't not like this)
87 Hotel Rwanda (2004)
88 Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957)
89 The Great Escape (1963)
90 The Elephant Man (1980)
91 On the Waterfront (1954)
92 Nuovo cinema Paradiso (1988)
93 Touch of Evil (1958)
94 Full Metal Jacket (1987) (First section with training is amazing, the second part is same-as, same-as)
95 The Apartment (1960)
96 Batman Begins (2005) (I really liked this but there's some unnecessary bits that make it too long)
97 The Sting (1973)
98 The Great Dictator (1940)
99 Once Upon a Time in America (1984)
100 Jaws (1975) (Maybe I'd have been scared at the time)

So, I've seen 35. I need to see 15 more, and I am PRETTY sure that they mostly need to come from the bottom end of this list. I'd like to say in my defence of what I've seen that this is mostly dictated by the films that came out when I was a teenager and had little else to do other than go to the pictures, and the films other people have wanted to see. I need to exert a little film assertion.

War and tears

Last night I watched Channel 4's 100 Greatest War Films. As I sat there thinking "That was such a great film", "Oh, I must watch that again" or "I'd really like to see that" it occurred to me that this seems to be a genre that either appeals to the part of my brain that likes violent computer games or that this is a genre that is very well done.

Saving Private Ryan was no. 1. The opening scenes are superb, but once that is over - 20 mins in or so - then there's two hours of perfectly well acted boredom. Tedious. Well overrated.

Dr Strangelove should quite possibly be the best, except I cannot abide Peter Sellers' overacting, that spoils it for me. George C. Scott and Slim Pickens almost redeem it, but not enough.

http://www.channel4.com/film/newsfeatures/microsites/W/greatest_warfilms/index.html.

Favourites

I seem to have an addiction to these quizzes you get on myspace etc and many of them seem to ask the same questions. The ones that remain on my mind refer to favourites: favourite film, favourite book, favourite TV programme and so on. I don't have an answer to these, I really don't. I wish I did.

Film...
Now, I haven't seen a LOT of films, but I tend not to like films. I'm not sure what it is that I do like about films, but there are so many I don't like that I'm "supposed" to. I don't get Woody Allen, I simply can't watch him, and I watched Match Point, thinking that maybe I'd get it if I didn't have to actually watch him on screen. Nope, didn't like it at all. I finally saw Citizen Kane, didn't care for that much either.

The film that had the biggest effect on me when I saw it at the cinema would be Twelve Monkeys. We went to that during the day and came out into daylight and somehow everything seemed weird, as if you couldn't trust anything to be as it seemed. Which is strange because that's not what the film's about. Film that I most loved at the time and watched most times would be Pretty Woman, because I was 15 when it came out and it really is what every girl dreams of... But that's not a "good" film.

The Usual Suspects is fabulous; I adore that and it is one film I wish I hadn't seen just so I could see it for the first time. Shrek always makes me smile, it's got so much in it to smile over. Shrek would be the film I chose if I had to pick just one, but it isn't my favourite film ever.

I have a favourite director: Luc Besson and maybe I'd have to take Leon or The Big Blue as a favourite. Too hard. Can't pick favourite actor, Steve McQueen was the coolest though.


Book...
This is even worse. I really don't like any of the books that people go on and on about. I tried to read Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Memoirs of a Geisha, Birdsong, The Time Traveler's Wife (which I itch to correct the spelling of...) along with many other highly regarded books, and although I have finished some, I didn't enjoy them much. I am currently reading The Secret History which every single person on the planet thinks is wonderful and, so far, I can't be bothered continuing past page 48.

I can't wait for the last Harry Potter to come out, I have enjoyed all of those so far. I also loved The Da Vinci Code. So it's not that I have the sort of brain that doesn't "do" fiction, I can read and enjoy things that are quite definitely fiction, and not very well written fiction at that.

I liked Pride and Prejudice mostly because I studied it at school and managed not to be put off by the in depth analysis. Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux and The Christmas Books by Charles Dickens are two of my favourite books, they are both superbly written and thoroughly enjoyable despite both being extremely well known and much dramatised.

I love the Magical Maze by Ian Stewart - about mathematics - and Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss - about punctuation. If I could only take one book off on a desert island, I think it would probably be Ian Stewart's... which is a bit sad. That's not my favourite book either, I immediately feel bereft at the thought of not having the others.

My favourite author is Jasper Fforde because he's bonkers and shares my birthday.


TV programme...
Now, based on most effort put into watching and anticipating and guttedness that it ended, that would be Friends. But that's mindless comedy... The funniest thing ever on TV was Fawlty Towers, closely followed by a number of other comedies: Blackadder, Alan Partridge, Bottom, Father Ted, Black Books. I adored Ally McBeal, I fall over myself to watch Top Gear, I sit on the edge of my seat throughout 24 and I really enjoyed Life on Mars (apart from the TERRIBLE ending - but I'm not sure what would have pleased me). Picking just one? It would have to be Fawlty Towers - the same age as me.

Album...
I don't have a favourite album. I don't. I have a favourite song - it is Hallelujah by John Cale - but I simply don't have a favourite album. I never listen to them, I have been making compilations since I got my first tape deck. If I was forced to choose one, it would be The Velvet Underground and Nico, People Move On by Bernard Butler, Ladies and Gentlemen we are Floating in Space by Spiritualized or The Division Bell by Pink Floyd. (I think, I change my mind sometimes) But none of those have Hallelujah on it and I couldn't have I'm Your Fan as The One, so I need my compilations.

Why aren't there easier questions? I have many things I know for sure what my favourites are:

coffee: java
tea: chai
soft drink: Coke
freshly made juice: carrot, apple and ginger
wine: M & S Oudinot Champagne (cuvee, medium dry)
red wine: Georges Duboeuf Fleurie
liqueur: Drambuie
beer: if I must, Hoegaarden
cider: Addlestones
day: Thursday
bit of road: Junction 2a on the M90
artist: Claude Monet
place: the rock garden, Royal Botanic Gardens, Edinburgh
shop: Valvona and Crolla, Edinburgh
perfume: Chanel Coco
aftershave: Higher Energy by Dior
bread: ptira
ice cream: pistachio from B. Valletta in St Andrews
property on Monopoly: Oxford St
board game: Trivial Pursuit
card game: Aces to Kings
seat on the train: on the left, the third one in, window seat, front carriage
boss: Mark
museum: Musee d'Orsay, Paris
shoes: black wedge mules from Clarks
boots: brown suede knee highs
city: Paris
country: Italy
continent: Europe
language: French
accent: Australian
instrument: bass guitar
means of communication: text message
winter sport: skiing
console game(s): Super Mario...

I just need different questions.