Virginal stupidity

Good god, is it really so hard to close a credit card? I paid off my Virgin (MBNA) card one month ago. I overpaid it because they're bound to find some elusive fee from 1982 and so I've been in credit for a month. I still can't close it. They can't tell me what my interest payment will be (not very much, you'd think) even though today's the day I was promised. No, obviously they meant midnight tonight, which is classed as being tomorrow by anyone outside of MBNA. Of course, I can't close it and sort out payments after, because they don't know what will happen, I might suddenly have an urge to put something on it. I have visions of myself paying 50p per month to them till the end of time (they round up interest to 50p).

I recently closed an account with M & S. This was one I actually paid off and "closed" in 2004. Really, 2004. I've written to them and stropped at them and lo and behold, just after clearing another card last month, I got a nice statement from M & S. Again, trouble closing it even though it's been empty for 4 years, in case there were any outstanding transactions.

Next won't actually close any accounts, they like to leave it frozen in case you change your mind. That supposedly went in 2004 as well, but they refused to actually close it, I'm sure I'm still a customer even though I assured them there is nothing on this earth that would change my mind.

Egg are easy. They let you close accounts, but they would, wouldn't they? Happy day. I owe them 50p on my last direct debit and then it's all gone. Bye bye.

Christmas is going to be frugal. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to cope paying for things with real money. Or I could always use my Virgin card. If only they thought of that...

Goodbye banks...

Well, my purse is a lot lighter and I am much happier.

I did learn the following amazing facts:

Virgin, aka MBNA, cannot give a settlement figure. You see, interest is calculated on a daily basis and they can't tell me what my interest would be on the day that my payment cleared, and they can't tell me when my payment would clear. I queried this point for a while, before admitting defeat and paying a little bit extra to cover the interest. Apparently I will receive a credit to my bank account when I close it. Ha ha ha. Or I will be purchasing a precise amount of petrol that day.

Virgin, aka MBNA, do not have statement dates. When I queried the fact that my statement date this month was the 17th, and next month it is to be the 20th, I asked if they just set it when they felt like it. I was told "the statement date is when it suits us best for business reasons", in other words, yes, the settlement date is whenever they feel like it.

I had to be credit searched to REDUCE my overdraft. My online banking wasn't working so sadly I had to speak to a human to do this. I said that no, I wasn't all that happy to be credit searched when I was reducing my credit, but apparently we could progress no further. So, I agreed and after waiting some time the girl came back on the phone and was pleased to tell me I had been approved. Really? You're letting me reduce what I owe you? Why, thank you.

So credit crunch, you can't bite me any more. Oh no. Neh neh neh neh neh.