In my head

I wish I didn't have a long track record of being so rubbish at job interviews. Tomorrow I have a telephone interview, so I've rapidly achieved maximum insecurity. Last year I sailed the telephone interview, I am really nervous for this one. Trouble is, if I do badly tomorrow I think I will just wither away in an attempt not to pollute the world with potent inadequacy, and if I do well, I will have to have a real interview, for which I will be in a state of genuine psychosis. The joy, I get another chance to be called monotonous and negative. No, I don't know why I've reapplied either. Oh yes, that would be because of a severe lack of weekend jobs, I remember now.

Aaaaaaargh.

Andrew Collins appears to have stopped blogging because he's upset. This is awful if it is the case, partly because I really enjoy his blogs, and mostly because he totally doesn't deserve to be upset. I hope he is just busy.

Aaaaaaargh.

And it seems I won't be needing a costume to scare folk this Halloween, my natural look will suffice. Hurrah.

Aaaaaaargh.

Strange desire

I want to be a traffic warden. No, really, I do. I had an application all ready to go all those years ago when I found out I was pregnant, and now they are recruiting again.

Just think, spending my days actually getting to ticket all the cock-ends that park inconsiderately. Instead of cursing when I have to negotiate round them, I could do something. I may add that this never occurred to me as a career until I moved into the town centre to live on a narrow street that nothing bigger than a car (ie not an ambulance or fire engine, sometimes not even a car) could just make it through when someone has illegally parked on the narrowest bit. I damned nearly took someone's door off tonight as they had their door wide open, not leaving enough space, and clutched onto the door as I drove past. You'd think as they were there, they might have pulled the door in a bit, but no, they just held onto it - because that would help lots and lots if I hit it. I was gratified to note just how close my lights reflected on that door.

Ah yes, away off on one there. I was outlining my immense suitability for being a traffic warden. Hmm. Thanks to my glittering past career, I have an unnatural knowledge of parking legislation, as well as my current studies. Literally, I'm about to start Transport Policy.

I would like to point out that in Fife, the traffic wardens are part of the Police, not private profit making companies. This makes a HUGE difference, not least to the pressure of the job, but also to the general attitude.

Slight technical hitch: childcare. I have the option to apply for the job as part time or job share; I'm not entirely sure they're looking for Saturdays only though. But you never know, maybe I can work something out.

Slight technical hitch 2: it's me, I don't get jobs.

Negativity

Spabble spabble, negative things that aren't for blogs, need a job...

...a solution: get a job and relearn how to interact with adults, and make some money in the process.

Full time, or even part time day work is not an option, because childcare costs more than I could earn and we don't have the grandparental dumping option that most people take for granted. Besides, I think me being at home is the right thing to be doing, although a less bonkers version of me might be more use. So the part time evening/weekends job search is on again, sparked at least in part by lack of money. Jobs on offer (ie they are available to be applied for, no that they have been offered) at the moment are a Saturday librarian (applied for, don't expect to get, would like) or weekend receptionist at Arnold Clark, which would mean I had 0 days a week at home with my husband but would be tolerable and give a reasonable return of cash.

All I need to do is up my confidence a little to pass an interview. Oh...

Freak out

Arrrrggghhh. Today the children spent the whole afternoon flitting from one impending disaster to another. I did discover that both the dishwasher and washing machine can cope with being reprogrammed and turned off, they both valiantly continue on their intended cycles. I did however have an embarrassing phonecall from Fife Police to ask why there had been a 999 call from my house. They did figure it was children, so were very nice and just checking it out. Yikes.

So far, no job, I am an oaf. Nothing from the Council job I thought had gone well, eventually got an email to confirm that I had been unsuccessful on this occasion (a stupid trite phrase). Sky tormented me for a couple of hours before telling me I wasn't up to standard to answer their phones so feeling really shit hot now. Next week I have interview number three, again with the Council, this time as a receptionist. Hours aren't great, would need childcare for about 6 hours a fortnight, and I have no idea where I will find the energy to work after a day with the terrible twosome. And as to the Masters I am beginning any day - a ha ha ha ha ha ha. Methinks that is potentially a mistake.

I need longer days or a nanny.

Job job job

Despite my impatient ramblings, I ended up with two job interviews. The first of these was today, that of Leisure Attendant at a local primary school. Hours are great, pay is good, job is interesting, but lonesome, no colleagues to chat with - although my friend has a position as head in another school so may be sorted for online scrabble via the intranet.

The second interview is next Thursday and is with Sky's call centre, which would be a good laugh if mindnumbing. And I'd get free Sky Plus, which is almost worth it in itself. Well, ok, no it's not, but here's to positive thinking. Trouble with this is the 3-4 hour interview process. That doesn't sound like a good laugh.

But... today I did an interview and I DID NOT MAKE AN IDIOT OF MYSELF! Really, it went as well as it could have and if I haven't got it, I wasn't the right person for the job. Managed not to talk myself out of each question and at the "do you have any questions?" bit, all these intelligent things started coming out of my mouth. I was impressed, I didn't know they were in there, but I trust that the interviewers didn't notice that this intellect was all new to me.

I must be the only person on the planet who gets a confidence boost from an interview. Here's hoping I get the job as well.

Please cross all your fingers and toes for me.

The joy of jobseeking

Well, due to the fact that children selfishly need nappies and food and other things that cost money, it has come to that time where I need to sell my soul and get a job. Being mostly unemployable doesn't help much as I now have very limited hours to add to my failings.

The obvious local employer has signs everywhere you turn asking for staff. Apparently they are desperate for staff, they have exhausted the workshy labourforce of this slothful town and so I put in an application and waited. Today I decided I was fed up waiting and telephoned them to see what was what. "We are experiencing a high volume of calls, please leave a message". Grand. Because it is possible to speak to an answerphone without sounding retarded? No, it is not. So probably scratch that one.

Employer option 2, sent in application, fed up waiting, called recruitment hotline for "immediate telephone interview". High volume of calls, spoke to a person who took a message, better, but still not actually spoken to anyone. Is the whole of Fife looking for a call centre job today? Why?

Employer option 3, local council, put in two applications. I expect to hear a) nothing or b) something in October. I shall have another look and ponder how many times you can submit an identical application form - it is all entirely factual so there is no room for making it relevant to the job, thus making it unique, or indeed for demonstrating your suitability for the job. And it being the council, it takes them 7 weeks to open the application, 14 weeks to read it, 4 weeks to shortlist [10 minutes warning for interview], 3 weeks to make a decision, 2 weeks to tell you.

Employer option 4, Sainsburys keep their vacancies a big secret. Apparently they reveal them for ten seconds each year at the Jobcentre, but it would seem you actually have to be in the Jobcentre at this golden time.

Employer option 5, Asda. Please God, no.

Employer option 6, McDonalds. The house will be sold before this happens.