Childishly brilliant

How to feel clever: compare yourself to children and/or idiots.

The most spectacular job interview I have ever done followed an hour or so of watching the videos of unsuccessful Big Brother candidates.

And therein lies the appeal of such programmes, the viewer is assured that no matter how rubbish they may have suspected themselves to be, they would obviously be better on camera, do better in tasks, relate better to people etc. Except the viewer is WAY too sensible to be on camera.

But then you get programmes that the participants have to display a level of skill. Which can be daunting. Mastermind, how stupid not to know the 18th century history of tablemaking! And Masterchef, baulking at the sight of fish heads probably wouldn't look too great. By the time the latter rounds arrive the level of skill is quite sobering. Top Gear are still not doing "completely unknown person in a very expensive car". The cads. So in imaginary world, the one where you take part in tv shows, do better than anyone previous, but fail to be broadcast, there's little chance to shine.

Roll on the Juniors. I can tolerate about one episode of Junior Mastermind (on account of the precociousness) but that one episode is generally self affirming. The specialised topics may be Tracy Beaker or something else chosen entirely to make very young adults like myself feel elderly, but mostly one can do rather well overall.

Junior Masterchef I could definitely do. I can identify tuna! And wrapping chicken in bacon seems to be the dish du jour - the scallops and black pudding for young uns. I could do that!!

I am 3 times the age of some of the participants. That aside, I could definitely do well if I was allowed to take part. Sadly, the attachment of "Junior" seems to allow for serious ageism. Scandalous!!

Having said all that, there are some programmes that it doesn't matter. At all.

So you think you can dance? No, not really. Thanks for asking.

I guess it's time to write that novel...

In my head today

My eye's still broken. It was all nice and healing and working and stuff, then it just went crap again. It's worrying me a little, it's not the same (bright red, watering and unopenable) it's gone sore and dry and a bit rubbish, ie I can't see very well. So I feel the need to rant. I've forgotten everything else I thought of, so I'll go with Jade...

I have issue with Big Brother et al and the way they put borderline maniacs on TV to laugh at them being manic. That's not on. I watched a couple of series of BB and Jade Goody's was one I watched; she is largely the reason I stopped. She was put on that show to be laughed at, because she is stupid. That's not nice or clever or particularly entertaining. Graham Norton made a joke of keeping her in, which bizarrely made him into her "fan", and she emerged a cult figure. Eh? She didn't have anything to make her that, other than a seemingly continual need to mock her. But on she went, megastatus, and then the Celebrity Big Brother debacle. I didn't actually watch that, could hardly miss it, but if you put someone lacking in certain attributes on TV to laugh at them, can you really be surprised if they behave badly? Is it her fault? Did she need to be public enemy no. 1? What was she doing with all the stuff that happened next?

And now she's dying they seem determined to milk every last drop of ridicule. Maybe she does just want the best for her kids, maybe her boyfriend is romantic enough to give his girlfriend a wedding before she dies. Maybe the media created something here and they could be gracious enough to let it go. You can't blame her, she is what she is and she has been given this status. What is happening now is tragic: a young girl, who has two small children, is dying. That is nothing other than sad, whoever she is, and it is not a media circus. Oh, sorry, it IS a media circus.

I don't understand the love and admiration for people that don't do anything. Beautiful people, talented people, shrewd business people, philanthropic people, inspirational people - there's something to be admired there, but the Jades and Chanelles and Kerrys are just there, not doing anything and being a national joke. And it destroys them. Who benefits there? Comedians maybe. Max Clifford, certainly.

Love and admiration for celebrities generally: I am less than enamoured with Twitter due to the idiots that frequent it. But some people are lovely and their tweets make me smile, so I remain addicted.