damned ticking clocks

Hmm.

The baby thing was what is known as a chemical pregnancy. One of those things I wouldn't have ever known about if I hadn't happened to feel sick and do a test on the offchance. So I feel a bit silly, a little sad and incredibly broody. I am now obsessed with babies and want another one really rather badly. Sigh. It's hard being a woman and having these maternal things.

And the biggie I missed last week was what I thought it was with my friend, so she's actually having a baby in April and I am a tactless oaf. My fingers are crossed for her because there seems to be a lot of failing pregnancies at the moment, but she seems well and suitably sick which is a good sign although it feels like hell at the time.

Meantime I am completely failing to exert any control over the terrible twosome and am trying to study and get the flat ready for selling to get the house we worked out we can actually afford after all. Good things come out of bizarre unexpectednesses.

False alarm

Well, blood tests confirm that I'm not pregnant. So now there remains the question of what caused positive results and symptoms.

I am Not Thinking About it.

(and feeling a little foolish)

Confused

Today it's negative results (no, I don't know why I retested), I don't know what's happening and am putting all thoughts out of my head till I hear back from the doc.

Freak out!

#3

Ho hum, life's a funny old thing. Instead of doing the Masters in engineering that I matriculated for YESTERDAY, I appear to be growing one of these children things. Quite remarkable really, I must be the most fertile person on the planet...

I guess it's time to admit to myself that I am not destined to have a career. Sigh. I am a babymaker.

Anyway, due to being annoyed that I didn't keep a note of the pregnancy last time, I intend to write a blog for this one, hence the early announcement. It will be most boring I should think, but hey, I need to write somewhere.

And can I just say... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

Bonkers

I just read my last two posts. I have lost my mind.

Yesterday I wanted to achieve behind the computer solitude. Today I want to get out there and interact with real people.

I think I need therapy.

bla bla bla bla bla bla. And bla.

The future is a place where I think and do important things and I am not stuck in the stupid house having virtual whatevers* with people that rub me up the wrong way and couldn't care less if I ceased to exist.

That's not fair. My house isn't stupid.

I am now going to make one of those mood boards where I stick on things that inspire me. Except I'm in a grumpy mood, I'm going to do one of things I want to throw things at, and then throw things at it.

Highly therapeutic I should think. Also highly unlikely as I can't actually be arsed, but hey, it's a different idea.



*some of my whatevers do make me smile. It's not all bad.

a new level of antisociability

Each time I meet someone I feel compelled to apologise for being crap. That's not meant to sound totally self depreciative, I actually do things that I have to apologise for.

Examples from this week alone:

1) met people for the first time and was unintentionally but still comprehensively rude.
2) had coffee today with a friend who was clearly trying to tell me something, wittered utter rubbish then about two hours later it dawned on me that I'd missed a biggie.

So from this moment I am going to conduct all my "meetings" from behind the safety of a computer where I have the added bonus of having time to think about things. Well, sometimes it takes 37 attempts to realise everything, but most of the time it works ok.

This means I no longer need to wash or get dressed and thus will ensure noone mistakenly meets me.