Fitba!

It's verrrrry exciting. It is. I adore the World Cup, always have. In 1998 when Scotland played Brazil, I nearly burst. So did most of the rest of Scotland to be fair. Several times. We own the 1998 World Cup Monopoly, which I do believe used some impossible ranking to ensure the teams that were there were in the game. Like, erm, Scotland. Scotland is Whitechapel, Switzerland has the humiliating position of being Old Kent Road. That's the Switzerland that's, erm, at South Africa. Unlike...

*Our* group is blatantly obviously group G. With Brazil and Portugal. Oh to qualify for something to move up a seeding. So we're not always THIRD seed. Bah. Blame Craig Brown, and Walter Smith a bit. For this reason, and this alone, Scotland's performance shall be played out by North Korea.

I may add the decision between North Korea and Ivory Coast was a) arbitrary and b) not mine.

So, expect North Korea to beat Portugal, perform surprisingly well against Brazil and fail to get the solitary goal against Ivory Coast that would have got them through.

England has quite a nice group. They always do, because they're quite good. Damn them. If we could get nicer groups, we'd do better. Gah.

In 1998 World Cup Monopoly, England is Oxford Street. Nobody will buy it, because we're so damned mature. Although that was then, we are all scarily much older now and hence more competitive. Winning is more important than imaginary principles.

The real World Cup? Yes? Huh? Oh.

The groups:

Group A
South Africa, Mexico, Uruguay and France.

I'm still in 1998 so France are my pick for this group. South Africa are hosts so may do better than they should. Yes. It does happen. Yes. Mexico and Uruguay, both been good. Could be any of them.

Group B
Argentina, Nigeria, South Korea and Greece.

Argentina are the obvious favourites to win the group, with runner up being any of them. Nigeria: unknown. S Korea I cannot forgive the 2002 cheatery, but they did do quite well. Greece, I'd pick them myself. So. Greece for no good reason (apart from that wee win at the Euro Championships in 2004).

Group C
England, USA, Algeria, Slovenia

England's group, they're going to win it, with USA runner up. There's no point in pretending otherwise.

Group D
Serbia, Ghana, Germany, Australia.

Germany to win group D. And probably come second as well. Erm. Australia second! Because I like 'em.

Group E
Netherlands, Denmark, Japan, Cameroon.

I always support Netherlands. (I always call them Holland as well because I am really quite ignorantly British.) But I do also love Denmark, based on having several smashingly great Danish relatives; also a bit based on their 1994-6 ish squad. Schmeichel and the Laudrups. Erm. Mostly Schmeichel actually. So, either good. I shall decide either way which one to properly support (and thus jinx) having seen them play each other on Monday. Obviously t'other will come second in this group.

Group F
Italy, Paraguay, New Zealand, Slovakia

Italy and someone else to go through. I don't know!!

Group G
(Scotland's spiritual group)
Ivory Coast, Portugal, Brazil and North Korea.

Brazil to win this group. Because you always predict them to win. Because they usually do. Runner up: Portugal.

Group H
Spain, Honduras, Chile, Switzerland.

Spain to win this one. Because they're quite good and because (sorry) they are always the most aesthetic. And in second place: Switzerland. Because if THEY can, WE could.

For the rest, in cloud cuckoo land, second stage would be entirely predictable, leading to semi finals of Netherlands v England, and Spain v Germany, with Netherlands and Spain being victors. England lose to Germany in the third place playoff and Netherlands take the cup.

And now for something completely banal.

Crisps.

The Walkers World Cup ones.
I have selflessly tasted these (most of them. Not the Haggis or Welsh Rarebit ones because we're not there) and can exclusively reveal the following outcomes of the tournament, based on said flavours.

Firstly, France will win, their garlic baguette flavour is best. They will beat Italy (spaghetti bolognese flavour) in the final. South Africa (chutney) will do surprisingly well, and England (roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, tastes of gravy and Not Nice) will do unexpectedly badly. Netherlands (Edam cheese) will fail to meet expectations and do nothing bad, but nothing like as well as they should.

Australia (BBQ kangaroo. I know!) will do ok, but fail to leave a lasting impression. The Japanese (teriyaki chicken) will be another team that will dramatically outperform expectations.

The other countries/flavours are kind of meh and will do nothing memorable.

And a lesson there is that writing a blog before falling asleep means for editing to make sense.

The crisp prediction matches past form more accurately than cloud cuckoo prediction. Ah well.