Sunday 28 February 2010

Some truths.

I feel it is my duty to set readers straight on a few facts in light of certain rumours flying around that deny simple science.

For example, it has been suggested that there is a substance which is more adhesive than a cornflake soaked in milk that has been left to dry out on a cereal bowl. Utterly ridiculous.

Nutritionists try to deny that there are zero calories in food that doesn't cost you any money, disputing even that if you purchase 8 cupcakes for the price of 6, 2 of those cupcakes are entirely calorie free. Furthermore, some so-called experts recently produced a report claiming that carrot cake is not a salad item.

There is nothing that can reach a greater temperature than a tomato heated inside a toasted sandwich. Reports of molten lava, or similar, being found to be at higher temperatures are unfounded. The only substances that come even slightly close in terms of burnability are hot beverages which have been reheated in the microwave.

While childbirth, serious injury, chronic diseases etc may cause some levels of pain, it cannot be ignored that a paper cut is the sorest infliction ever to happen to mankind, closely followed by a stubbed toe.

Rest assured that the truths are as you have always known.


Disclaimer: it wasn't me.

2 comments:

Keir Hardie said...

Faultless article. Although I would add - Pop Tarts. "Not just so hot they're cool, but so hot they'll burn you" said Lynn Faulds Wood, with a combination of self-righteousness and smugness about what she thought was clever wordplay - an unusual combination, which is probably why I remember it.

MD said...

I must concede that Pop Tarts are probably a joint close second. This is often overlooked in light of the fact that nobody actually ever ate Pop Tarts more than once per flavour.