I am a little baffled as to why everyone is nervous about our impending "apocalypse" expected when the Large Hadron Collider is activated. There is a 1% chance of a black hole being created, which would be the sort of micro black hole that would prove all of Hawking's theories and disappear, possibly causing a very attractive pattern as it does so. Which isn't very worrying, unless you are the sort of person that would be worried by the idea of Hawking getting a Nobel prize, in which case you are not very nice. Having said that, it's a interesting concept to ponder about, the end of the entire universe. My own personal ponderings on this consist of:
1) what exactly happens to everything that gets sucked into a black hole?
Which I have had explained to me: apparently everything gets compressed into a very solid lump due to all the forces keeping particles apart being destroyed, then the lump explodes. I'm guessing the chances of surviving this are slim.
2) Where does the universe end? At what point does "everything" stop being sucked in? Is there a finite area and how do we know what it is?
There is apparently an answer to this, but as it requires an understanding of Hawkings radiation and quantum physics, I will never know what that answer is. Black holes apparently also get to exploding point after about a galaxy full, so some of the universe would remain. Hurrah.
I have a particular hatred of physics, it is my least favourite science, and I'm talking standard issue understandable physics and none of the "nothing is actually what you think it is" quantum physics. This is compounded by physics lovers who are the smuggest people on the planet. But I still appreciate that the expected findings of the LHC are really very important, and they do explain things that haven't been explained before. It's relatively (no pun intended) exciting to wait for the results of something that will either find a substance (Higgs something) that they think is there, or not find it and have to rethink the whole idea behind dark matter.
I don't want to hear too much about it though, I still hate physics and a simple yes or no will suffice.
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Monday, 8 September 2008
How is it still Monday?
Hmm, I thought it was the middle of the night and it's only 11pm. How strange.
The light that I put up today has broken, in a remarkably similar death to the living room one. Definitely the work of poltergeists.
On a more positive front, I WILL find out all about you. Yes I will. Yes, I do mean you.
The light that I put up today has broken, in a remarkably similar death to the living room one. Definitely the work of poltergeists.
On a more positive front, I WILL find out all about you. Yes I will. Yes, I do mean you.
more films
Yougov has a list of "great films".
Voila:
The Godfather
The Shawshank Redemption
Pulp Fiction
Schindler’s List
Star Wars (any)
Lord of the Rings (any)
Fight Club
Casablanca
Psycho
The Silence of the Lambs
Citizen Kane
The Matrix
Apocalypse Now
A Clockwork Orange
E.T.
Monty Python (any)
Some Like It Hot
The Great Escape
The Wizard of Oz
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Now, I have seen the ones I have bolded, 16 out of 20.
I feel better, even if I don't agree with a lot of them.
Voila:
The Godfather
The Shawshank Redemption
Pulp Fiction
Schindler’s List
Star Wars (any)
Lord of the Rings (any)
Fight Club
Casablanca
Psycho
The Silence of the Lambs
Citizen Kane
The Matrix
Apocalypse Now
A Clockwork Orange
E.T.
Monty Python (any)
Some Like It Hot
The Great Escape
The Wizard of Oz
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Now, I have seen the ones I have bolded, 16 out of 20.
I feel better, even if I don't agree with a lot of them.
CNPS frustration
Sigh. I'm stuck on 31. It hasn't been very long, I think it was Thursday that I got 30, but I am being plagued by endless 32s and 33s.
I figure it shouldn't be too hard to find a 31. Many people have their birthday as the number of their private reg, so assuming birthdays are evenly distributed throughout the year, this should account for 7/365 (approximately 1 in 50) people. The population of the mid-Fife area is around 180,000, so around 3600 people in my area should have a birthday which is the 31st of something. If only 1% of them have a private plate with their birthday on it, that's 36 cars I should be seeing. And then there's all the ones that just have 31 as the reg that came with the car, or people have selected a private reg for the letters with random numbers, or they got it for their 31st birthday, or they have 31 as their lucky number. Or many other things.
As if this isn't bad enough, Richard Herring cheerfully posted on his blog that he is now redoing CNPS and he just breezed through 31 and 32.
I would hate him, but I'm fond of this picture, which keeps making me smile on account of him looking eminently shaggable, and thus I must forgive him for his callous (in an oblivious type of way) CNPSing. Incidentally, I think his hair is ace.
I figure it shouldn't be too hard to find a 31. Many people have their birthday as the number of their private reg, so assuming birthdays are evenly distributed throughout the year, this should account for 7/365 (approximately 1 in 50) people. The population of the mid-Fife area is around 180,000, so around 3600 people in my area should have a birthday which is the 31st of something. If only 1% of them have a private plate with their birthday on it, that's 36 cars I should be seeing. And then there's all the ones that just have 31 as the reg that came with the car, or people have selected a private reg for the letters with random numbers, or they got it for their 31st birthday, or they have 31 as their lucky number. Or many other things.
As if this isn't bad enough, Richard Herring cheerfully posted on his blog that he is now redoing CNPS and he just breezed through 31 and 32.
I would hate him, but I'm fond of this picture, which keeps making me smile on account of him looking eminently shaggable, and thus I must forgive him for his callous (in an oblivious type of way) CNPSing. Incidentally, I think his hair is ace.
Sunday, 7 September 2008
Welcome to 1978
So, our light died. It didn't work last night and upon investigation (not by me) in daylight, it transpires that the the wires inside have melted through the safety bit and each other. I am a little traumatised by the potential fire risk this was, but it's gone now. Given that the electrician we got to fit was a charlatan that sent his trained monkeys to do the work (badly), there's little point in going back to him.
We went for the safety, or maybe the more appropriate term here is "cheap", option and bought a bog standard light fitting with a shade. Gone is the super-funky halogen effort, and now we have a cosy looking normal light.
Except...
It's a beige suede effect shade, to match the beige suede effect chairs and the chocolate brown leather (not effect) sofa. With the oak furniture - an accident of necessity and the result of our bookcases etc being in storage - we now have a rhapsody in brown and beige. The light is also precisely 6' from the floor on account of the low ceilings coupled with lack of any adjustment on our part. It looks sort of familiar and homely (rather than trendy), which means it almost certainly reminds me of being a child. In the 70s. The decade that taste forgot. Thankfully we don't have wallpaper, but the shade has little cut outs that fake a pattern up the walls just for that extra authenticity.
Ha! Take that, Ikea. We can de-minimise your stuff with a simple old fashioned light.
I like it. I'm so old.
We went for the safety, or maybe the more appropriate term here is "cheap", option and bought a bog standard light fitting with a shade. Gone is the super-funky halogen effort, and now we have a cosy looking normal light.
Except...
It's a beige suede effect shade, to match the beige suede effect chairs and the chocolate brown leather (not effect) sofa. With the oak furniture - an accident of necessity and the result of our bookcases etc being in storage - we now have a rhapsody in brown and beige. The light is also precisely 6' from the floor on account of the low ceilings coupled with lack of any adjustment on our part. It looks sort of familiar and homely (rather than trendy), which means it almost certainly reminds me of being a child. In the 70s. The decade that taste forgot. Thankfully we don't have wallpaper, but the shade has little cut outs that fake a pattern up the walls just for that extra authenticity.
Ha! Take that, Ikea. We can de-minimise your stuff with a simple old fashioned light.
I like it. I'm so old.
Saturday, 6 September 2008
Strange desire
I want to be a traffic warden. No, really, I do. I had an application all ready to go all those years ago when I found out I was pregnant, and now they are recruiting again.
Just think, spending my days actually getting to ticket all the cock-ends that park inconsiderately. Instead of cursing when I have to negotiate round them, I could do something. I may add that this never occurred to me as a career until I moved into the town centre to live on a narrow street that nothing bigger than a car (ie not an ambulance or fire engine, sometimes not even a car) could just make it through when someone has illegally parked on the narrowest bit. I damned nearly took someone's door off tonight as they had their door wide open, not leaving enough space, and clutched onto the door as I drove past. You'd think as they were there, they might have pulled the door in a bit, but no, they just held onto it - because that would help lots and lots if I hit it. I was gratified to note just how close my lights reflected on that door.
Ah yes, away off on one there. I was outlining my immense suitability for being a traffic warden. Hmm. Thanks to my glittering past career, I have an unnatural knowledge of parking legislation, as well as my current studies. Literally, I'm about to start Transport Policy.
I would like to point out that in Fife, the traffic wardens are part of the Police, not private profit making companies. This makes a HUGE difference, not least to the pressure of the job, but also to the general attitude.
Slight technical hitch: childcare. I have the option to apply for the job as part time or job share; I'm not entirely sure they're looking for Saturdays only though. But you never know, maybe I can work something out.
Slight technical hitch 2: it's me, I don't get jobs.
Friday, 5 September 2008
Lost in Austen
I watched this a day late, saying as how I was actually out and come out in hives if I have to sit through an ad break anyway. I was looking forward to this, the Radio Times promised great things and opinions seemed to be positive.
Well.
I cannot stand the heroine, played by Jemima Rooper. She acts perfectly well, she's just playing a thoroughly dislikeable character. Nothing she did was the action of a realistic person and this spoilt the whole thing for me. Alex Kingston, who does manage to annoy me a lot in most things she does, annoyed me. Hugh Bonneville was his usual affable self, and the rest of the cast were mostly aesthetic.
This was touted as being "different". Yes, Bridget Jones meets Pride and Prejudice. Marvellous, both totally underused.
Aside about the fact that Bridget Jones (the book and the character) is meant to be a parody by an intelligent author, yet became a role model for people and an entire genre of book, demonstrating just how thick the two planks that the general public are akin to are.
Back to Lost in Austen, I will watch episode two, based on the premise that the second episode is nearly always an improvement on the scene setting of episode one. I may have to throw eggs at the tv though and I still won't watch it "live".
Well.
I cannot stand the heroine, played by Jemima Rooper. She acts perfectly well, she's just playing a thoroughly dislikeable character. Nothing she did was the action of a realistic person and this spoilt the whole thing for me. Alex Kingston, who does manage to annoy me a lot in most things she does, annoyed me. Hugh Bonneville was his usual affable self, and the rest of the cast were mostly aesthetic.
This was touted as being "different". Yes, Bridget Jones meets Pride and Prejudice. Marvellous, both totally underused.
Aside about the fact that Bridget Jones (the book and the character) is meant to be a parody by an intelligent author, yet became a role model for people and an entire genre of book, demonstrating just how thick the two planks that the general public are akin to are.
Back to Lost in Austen, I will watch episode two, based on the premise that the second episode is nearly always an improvement on the scene setting of episode one. I may have to throw eggs at the tv though and I still won't watch it "live".
Thursday, 4 September 2008
I <3 Batman
Tonight I finally got to see The Dark Knight. A few points out of the way first:
1) I can't remember very much at all about Batman Begins
2) I really really like Batman (since ever Tim Burton's Batman). He is the ultimate hero*.
3) Some of the special effects were iffy, the science with the sonar was a bit ahem, yes, whatever, the film was a lot longer than I enjoy sitting in a cinema for and the whole ship scene should have been chopped.
4) Christian Bale's voice was very very silly when he was Batman.
That aside...
I LOVED IT!!!!!!! I HAVEN'T LOVED A FILM LIKE THAT IN AGES!
I think the last film I saw at the cinema that I liked that much was 12 Monkeys.
I was prepared to dislike it due to the glowing reviews it had received, and I expected to find Heath Ledger's performance overrated, but no, I think it deserves the reviews and Heath Ledger was fantastic, one of the best performances I've seen. I am so glad I made it to the cinema for this, and hurrah to actually enjoying a film!
*why Batman is the ultimate hero:
He is just a man, he doesn't have superpowers
He has very cool cars
He has a cape - which makes him very swooshy. He swooshes up to people.
He wears all black
He is fallible and knows it, but he means well
He is extremely hard. You wouldn't mess with Batman.
And no, he is definitely not gay.
1) I can't remember very much at all about Batman Begins
2) I really really like Batman (since ever Tim Burton's Batman). He is the ultimate hero*.
3) Some of the special effects were iffy, the science with the sonar was a bit ahem, yes, whatever, the film was a lot longer than I enjoy sitting in a cinema for and the whole ship scene should have been chopped.
4) Christian Bale's voice was very very silly when he was Batman.
That aside...
I LOVED IT!!!!!!! I HAVEN'T LOVED A FILM LIKE THAT IN AGES!
I think the last film I saw at the cinema that I liked that much was 12 Monkeys.
I was prepared to dislike it due to the glowing reviews it had received, and I expected to find Heath Ledger's performance overrated, but no, I think it deserves the reviews and Heath Ledger was fantastic, one of the best performances I've seen. I am so glad I made it to the cinema for this, and hurrah to actually enjoying a film!
*why Batman is the ultimate hero:
He is just a man, he doesn't have superpowers
He has very cool cars
He has a cape - which makes him very swooshy. He swooshes up to people.
He wears all black
He is fallible and knows it, but he means well
He is extremely hard. You wouldn't mess with Batman.
And no, he is definitely not gay.
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
Jeremy Hardy in the sticks
Jeremy Hardy is playing on my doorstep. Literally. He's quite little so he can in fact do this.Actually, that's not too far from the truth, he is performing at the Adam Smith Theatre, KIRKCALDY later this month, which is about five mins from my doorstep.
I'm quite beside myself with joy. I am. See, that's me, right there, sitting next to me looking rather happy. Deliriously so in fact.
In Kirkcaldy, I can hardly believe it.
This is part of Kirkcaldy's Comedy Festival, making Kirkcaldy the "laughter capital of Scotland". Because it will be better than comedy festivals in, picking a town at random, Edinburgh? Uh huh.
My 100th post
How nice, I feel I should celebrate.
Woo.
That's me all celebrated out now.
I want to have a general moan, except I've forgotten the chief thing I want to moan about. How annoying.
I'll have a wee rant about estate agents. Mine, specifically. Would it not be correct to assume that in a time when houses are selling poorly, that it would be prudent to market extra carefully and not, perhaps, miss out the big selling points of a property and when asked to take new improved pictures, to sit on the pictures for a week, then put up substandard pictures that do no favours to the subject? Like, if you're being paid to sell something, an attempt to sell would be nice? Or perhaps keep in contact with the sellers? Not apparently so for Remax, Kirkcaldy. I am seriously unimpressed. At present I am trying to get my spare keys back as there has been noone to view it in months, and it's a pain not having spares. But replying to emails is too hard apparently. Obviously they're snowed under with all the houses that are sitting endlessly on the market. I want a sale! I need a garden! They're a bargain just now! "We want a quick sale" did not compute apparently, he's "trying to get us the best price". No, we'd like A price. Seven months now. Seven. Three viewers, two of which were bogus. Well done!
Grrrr.
That'll be all, that's eclipsed all the other bad things in my mind.
Woo.
That's me all celebrated out now.
I want to have a general moan, except I've forgotten the chief thing I want to moan about. How annoying.
I'll have a wee rant about estate agents. Mine, specifically. Would it not be correct to assume that in a time when houses are selling poorly, that it would be prudent to market extra carefully and not, perhaps, miss out the big selling points of a property and when asked to take new improved pictures, to sit on the pictures for a week, then put up substandard pictures that do no favours to the subject? Like, if you're being paid to sell something, an attempt to sell would be nice? Or perhaps keep in contact with the sellers? Not apparently so for Remax, Kirkcaldy. I am seriously unimpressed. At present I am trying to get my spare keys back as there has been noone to view it in months, and it's a pain not having spares. But replying to emails is too hard apparently. Obviously they're snowed under with all the houses that are sitting endlessly on the market. I want a sale! I need a garden! They're a bargain just now! "We want a quick sale" did not compute apparently, he's "trying to get us the best price". No, we'd like A price. Seven months now. Seven. Three viewers, two of which were bogus. Well done!
Grrrr.
That'll be all, that's eclipsed all the other bad things in my mind.
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
Maestro Vanden Plas
The penultimate episode of Maestro tonight... wonderful telly again. I believe that the contestants are being eliminated in exactly the right order, which is something that rarely happens in these things and is almost certainly down to the fact that the public do not have a say. Sadly it seems that the public get to vote in the grand final, which may mean the wrong winner is picked, rather than leaving it to the people who know best, the orchestra.
(I always disagree with the popular view on just about everything, even the meaning of a novel, so I feel I can state such a thing).
Tonight was opera, not a like of mine, and was less enjoyable as a result of not personally liking the music. Except for the Mozart of course, I adore Mozart. I have no idea what the piece was, I am not familiar with most of Mozart's work, I just know I like it. I feel I should like something less... mainstream? popular? but just about any time I am drawn to a piece of music, it is by he. The same happens with Monet's paintings; I am truly unsophisticated even if I do try.
Aside from that, the show was still extremely watchable, not least because Katie Derham said a dirty word! Three times! Not prissy after all! Zoe Martlew, a panellist and cellist/composer, is quite probably the most patronising person I have ever seen, coming across somewhat like a school monitor, overpleased with the importance of her position. How Jane Asher hasn't thumped her is credit indeed to Ms Asher.
The title of this post is a nod in remembrance to my father's Maestro Vanden Plas, the greatest car that ever drove. Or so he thought.
(I always disagree with the popular view on just about everything, even the meaning of a novel, so I feel I can state such a thing).
Tonight was opera, not a like of mine, and was less enjoyable as a result of not personally liking the music. Except for the Mozart of course, I adore Mozart. I have no idea what the piece was, I am not familiar with most of Mozart's work, I just know I like it. I feel I should like something less... mainstream? popular? but just about any time I am drawn to a piece of music, it is by he. The same happens with Monet's paintings; I am truly unsophisticated even if I do try.
Aside from that, the show was still extremely watchable, not least because Katie Derham said a dirty word! Three times! Not prissy after all! Zoe Martlew, a panellist and cellist/composer, is quite probably the most patronising person I have ever seen, coming across somewhat like a school monitor, overpleased with the importance of her position. How Jane Asher hasn't thumped her is credit indeed to Ms Asher.
The title of this post is a nod in remembrance to my father's Maestro Vanden Plas, the greatest car that ever drove. Or so he thought.
Monday, 1 September 2008
Geoffrey Perkins
There has been little media coverage of the death of this ex-BBC Head of Comedy, who died in an accident on Friday.
He was part of Hat Trick Productions and was involved in many brilliant comedy productions, including KYTV, Spitting Image, Saturday Live, Harry Enfield's Television Programme, Ben Elton: The Man From Auntie, Game On, Father Ted, The Thin Blue Line, Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, My Hero, My Family, Happiness, The Catherine Tate Show, The Fast Show and many others.
He will be sadly missed. RIP.
Tick tick tick tock
There's a radio controlled clock hanging in our living room. I am particularly fond of this clock for three reasons:
1) It came from Ikea so cost something like £10
2) I like to know precisely what the time is. I am perpetually late, but I do like to know exactly how late I am.
3) As it's analogue, when the clocks move forward or back, you can literally watch the clocks go forward/back. I have managed to see this precisely once.
I was looking for a picture of my clock as I am far too lazy to take one, and I failed, but I did find the definition of a second:
The second is the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the caesium 133 atom.
So now you know.
Anyway, back to the clock in the living room... The batteries are running low just now but it has enough power to remain at the right time. However, the battery does not have enough power to tick the second hand around properly. As a result the second hand is a little sparodic - ticking normally, then stopping, then ticking forwards one second, back one second, while the other two hands continue to move round regularly, always at the correct time.
Sitting watching this last night, it struck me how like life the second hand is being. You age at a steady rate, you will always be one year older on each birthday, but your life moves like the second hand, sometimes moving forward steadily, sometimes standing still and sometimes moving back and forth and getting nowhere at all.
Which puts a slightly different slant on the phrase "to recharge one's batteries".
1) It came from Ikea so cost something like £10
2) I like to know precisely what the time is. I am perpetually late, but I do like to know exactly how late I am.
3) As it's analogue, when the clocks move forward or back, you can literally watch the clocks go forward/back. I have managed to see this precisely once.
I was looking for a picture of my clock as I am far too lazy to take one, and I failed, but I did find the definition of a second:
The second is the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the caesium 133 atom.
So now you know.
Anyway, back to the clock in the living room... The batteries are running low just now but it has enough power to remain at the right time. However, the battery does not have enough power to tick the second hand around properly. As a result the second hand is a little sparodic - ticking normally, then stopping, then ticking forwards one second, back one second, while the other two hands continue to move round regularly, always at the correct time.
Sitting watching this last night, it struck me how like life the second hand is being. You age at a steady rate, you will always be one year older on each birthday, but your life moves like the second hand, sometimes moving forward steadily, sometimes standing still and sometimes moving back and forth and getting nowhere at all.
Which puts a slightly different slant on the phrase "to recharge one's batteries".
Sunday, 31 August 2008
aaargh
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhh!
Life frustrates me. Either that or it's the people in it. One or the other.
Life frustrates me. Either that or it's the people in it. One or the other.
Friday, 29 August 2008
Scots
I received this list by email today:
You know you're from Scotland when...
1. 'Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly wind' is good weather!
2. The only sausage you like is 'square'.
3. You have been forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high school.
4. You know a wide vocabulary of random Scottish words -
an idiot is 'a numpty'.
'Aye'- yes.
'Aye Right'-not likely.
'Auldjin'- someone over 40.
'Baltic'-freezing.
'Dry yer eyes'- aww..diddums.
'Dry Boak'- sickened. etc
5. You have an irrational need to eat anything fried with your
supper from the chippy: haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausage, fish,
chicken (but not mars bars) etc...
6. You used to love destroying your teeth when you were young;
Buchanan's toffees, wham bars, tablet, Irn-Bru bars, Cola Cubes, etc
7. You have an enormous feeling of dread whenever the Scotland national football team play a 'diddy' team that we will lose to.
8.You happily engage in a conversation about the weather. 'Dreich day eh? Aye at least the wind has died down'
9.Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia ,
Deacon Blue, Big Country etc. you still LOVE it when you're in a club
abroad and they play something Scottish. (you'll probably even ask the
DJ to play it…)
10. You take a perverse level of pride by the fact that Scotland has
the highest number of alcohol and smoking related deaths in Europe . At
least we know how to party, 'Yer a lang time deed'.
11. You used to get up really early on a Saturday/Sunday to watch
cartoons when you were a kid. You watched Glen Michael's Cartoon
Cavalcade on a Sunday afternoon with his sidekick oil lamp called
Paladin. You remember Glen giving Paladin a good hard stroke!.
12. You were given an Oor Wullie or Broons Annual at Christmas.
13. You have come in from the pub pi**ed with flatmates and watched an episode of Weirs Way engrossed by a little guy with a bobbly hat walking around Scotland .
14. You can tell where another Scot is from by their accent. E.g.
Glaswegian: 'Awright pal, gonnae gies a wee swatch oa yur Record, cheers, magic
pal'
Fifer: 'Aye, that wifie is getting it oan wi a laddie fae the butchers'
Dundonian: 'Twa bridies, a plen ane in an ingin ane an a'
Aberdonian: 'Fit ya bin up tae, fair few quines in the night eh?'
Invernesian: 'Ah-ee, Right Enufff! 'How's you keeeeeepeeeen?'.
15. You see police and hear someone shout 'Errrapolis'
16. You have participated in or witnessed people having a 'square go'.
17. You know that when someone asks you which school you went to, they
actually want to know if you're a protestant or a catholic.
18. You have eaten lots of random Scottish food like Bridies, Aberdeen
Rowies(butteries), Mince & Tatties, Haggis, Cullen Skink, Stovies,
Tunnock's Teacakes/Snowballs, Scott's Porridge Oats, Macaroon Bars,
Baxters Soup, Scotch Pies, Scotch Eggs, Oatcakes, Shortbread, Arbroath
Smokies etc.
19. A jakey has asked you for money: 'Got any spare change hen?'
20. You wait expectantly for your 1p change from the shopkeeper.
21.You know the right response to 'yoo dancin' is 'yoo askin', followed by 'am askin' and finally 'then am dancin!!'
22. You know that whenever you see sawdust it reminds you of pools of
vomit because that's what the 'jannies' used to chuck on it.
23. You lose all respect for a groom that doesn't wear a kilt to his wedding.
24. You don't do the groceries or shopping, you do the 'messages'.
25.You've been sitting quietly on the train/bus and then a drunk man
sits beside ye..telling ye a 'joke' ..and saying 'I'm no annoying ye am
a hen/pal?' You: 'Not at all...yer fine...'a think this is ma stop!!'
26.You know a Scottish male can have a telephone conversation using only the words 'Awright', 'Aye' and 'Naw'.
27. You have experienced the peer pressure to have an alcoholic drink
after you've ordered something non-alcoholic. 'Mon, have a drink,
whit's wrang, ye driving? Naw. Are you no well? Naw. Get yersel a
drink, (other folk-Wahey!)
28.You know ye cannae fling pieces oot a twenty storey flat, seven
hundred hungry weans'll testify, to that. If it's butter, cheese or
jeely, if the breid is plain or pan, the odds against it reaching earth
are ninety-nine tae wan.
29. You know that going to a party at a friends house means bring your own drinks
30.Your holiday abroad is ruined if you hear there is a 'heatwave' in Scotland while you're away.
With the exception of 28 that has me scratching my head a bit, these are all really really normal things. Aren't they????
You know you're from Scotland when...
1. 'Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly wind' is good weather!
2. The only sausage you like is 'square'.
3. You have been forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high school.
4. You know a wide vocabulary of random Scottish words -
an idiot is 'a numpty'.
'Aye'- yes.
'Aye Right'-not likely.
'Auldjin'- someone over 40.
'Baltic'-freezing.
'Dry yer eyes'- aww..diddums.
'Dry Boak'- sickened. etc
5. You have an irrational need to eat anything fried with your
supper from the chippy: haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausage, fish,
chicken (but not mars bars) etc...
6. You used to love destroying your teeth when you were young;
Buchanan's toffees, wham bars, tablet, Irn-Bru bars, Cola Cubes, etc
7. You have an enormous feeling of dread whenever the Scotland national football team play a 'diddy' team that we will lose to.
8.You happily engage in a conversation about the weather. 'Dreich day eh? Aye at least the wind has died down'
9.Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia ,
Deacon Blue, Big Country etc. you still LOVE it when you're in a club
abroad and they play something Scottish. (you'll probably even ask the
DJ to play it…)
10. You take a perverse level of pride by the fact that Scotland has
the highest number of alcohol and smoking related deaths in Europe . At
least we know how to party, 'Yer a lang time deed'.
11. You used to get up really early on a Saturday/Sunday to watch
cartoons when you were a kid. You watched Glen Michael's Cartoon
Cavalcade on a Sunday afternoon with his sidekick oil lamp called
Paladin. You remember Glen giving Paladin a good hard stroke!.
12. You were given an Oor Wullie or Broons Annual at Christmas.
13. You have come in from the pub pi**ed with flatmates and watched an episode of Weirs Way engrossed by a little guy with a bobbly hat walking around Scotland .
14. You can tell where another Scot is from by their accent. E.g.
Glaswegian: 'Awright pal, gonnae gies a wee swatch oa yur Record, cheers, magic
pal'
Fifer: 'Aye, that wifie is getting it oan wi a laddie fae the butchers'
Dundonian: 'Twa bridies, a plen ane in an ingin ane an a'
Aberdonian: 'Fit ya bin up tae, fair few quines in the night eh?'
Invernesian: 'Ah-ee, Right Enufff! 'How's you keeeeeepeeeen?'.
15. You see police and hear someone shout 'Errrapolis'
16. You have participated in or witnessed people having a 'square go'.
17. You know that when someone asks you which school you went to, they
actually want to know if you're a protestant or a catholic.
18. You have eaten lots of random Scottish food like Bridies, Aberdeen
Rowies(butteries), Mince & Tatties, Haggis, Cullen Skink, Stovies,
Tunnock's Teacakes/Snowballs, Scott's Porridge Oats, Macaroon Bars,
Baxters Soup, Scotch Pies, Scotch Eggs, Oatcakes, Shortbread, Arbroath
Smokies etc.
19. A jakey has asked you for money: 'Got any spare change hen?'
20. You wait expectantly for your 1p change from the shopkeeper.
21.You know the right response to 'yoo dancin' is 'yoo askin', followed by 'am askin' and finally 'then am dancin!!'
22. You know that whenever you see sawdust it reminds you of pools of
vomit because that's what the 'jannies' used to chuck on it.
23. You lose all respect for a groom that doesn't wear a kilt to his wedding.
24. You don't do the groceries or shopping, you do the 'messages'.
25.You've been sitting quietly on the train/bus and then a drunk man
sits beside ye..telling ye a 'joke' ..and saying 'I'm no annoying ye am
a hen/pal?' You: 'Not at all...yer fine...'a think this is ma stop!!'
26.You know a Scottish male can have a telephone conversation using only the words 'Awright', 'Aye' and 'Naw'.
27. You have experienced the peer pressure to have an alcoholic drink
after you've ordered something non-alcoholic. 'Mon, have a drink,
whit's wrang, ye driving? Naw. Are you no well? Naw. Get yersel a
drink, (other folk-Wahey!)
28.You know ye cannae fling pieces oot a twenty storey flat, seven
hundred hungry weans'll testify, to that. If it's butter, cheese or
jeely, if the breid is plain or pan, the odds against it reaching earth
are ninety-nine tae wan.
29. You know that going to a party at a friends house means bring your own drinks
30.Your holiday abroad is ruined if you hear there is a 'heatwave' in Scotland while you're away.
With the exception of 28 that has me scratching my head a bit, these are all really really normal things. Aren't they????
Thursday, 28 August 2008
Pleasure
There are things that just please me, because they are wonderful or soothing, or because they are useful. Some are entirely frivolous, but they all make me pleased, so on the home of complaining, they steal a place.
I love:
- the fact that the electric windows in my car have one touch up and down, and you can still put the window up/down for a few mins after the key has been removed from the ignition.
- watching my children laugh and play and love and learn
- that the hinge on my spice/sauce/stock cupboard stays up and so if I need to rearrange or peruse, I can do so easily
- laughing so my belly hurts and everything else seems funny too
- waking up at 5am, and going straight back to sleep
- hearing a song that immediately transports me to a good memory
- finding out that someone is as nice or as funny or as interesting as I thought they were
- reading a book I need to sneak time to read more of
- sharing a moment and knowing it was with the right person
- the sea, crashing or lapping or somewhere in between
I love:
- the fact that the electric windows in my car have one touch up and down, and you can still put the window up/down for a few mins after the key has been removed from the ignition.
- watching my children laugh and play and love and learn
- that the hinge on my spice/sauce/stock cupboard stays up and so if I need to rearrange or peruse, I can do so easily
- laughing so my belly hurts and everything else seems funny too
- waking up at 5am, and going straight back to sleep
- hearing a song that immediately transports me to a good memory
- finding out that someone is as nice or as funny or as interesting as I thought they were
- reading a book I need to sneak time to read more of
- sharing a moment and knowing it was with the right person
- the sea, crashing or lapping or somewhere in between
Moments of neglect
My most prized material possession is my Pure Bug DAB radio. The picture at the top is not mine, although it did used to look exactly like that.
First of all, due to the fact that my desk has been in storage for 100 years, my bedside table has become my desk. The congestion led to my bedside light melting a big dent in the outside of the fascia. This morning my son, after being repeatedly told not play with the aerial, managed to snap half the aerial off.
It looks scabby. For something that is potentially a design icon, that is designed to look as well as sound good, and something that I do actually love, this is pretty much a travesty.
I am pleased to report that it is all superficial and the functionality is unaffected, but it's youthful good looks have gone forever.
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
A little sigh
I realise that anyone reading this is probably mightily offended that I'm spending all the time blogging and not contacting people.
Blogging is impersonal and right now I can't think of anyone that would want to hear from me, based on my entirely inane line in conversation. The lack of comments enforces the opinion that this is quite probably the right approach and that this is for me and anyone interested in Nick Hoult. (sorry about that)
I still love all my friends, I'm just feeling blooo.
Blogging is impersonal and right now I can't think of anyone that would want to hear from me, based on my entirely inane line in conversation. The lack of comments enforces the opinion that this is quite probably the right approach and that this is for me and anyone interested in Nick Hoult. (sorry about that)
I still love all my friends, I'm just feeling blooo.
CNPS gods
Now, there is no doubt in my mind that the gods of CNPS exist. However, they have strict rules that you have to adhere to.
1) You must be actively looking, they will not appear if you put it out of mind and happen to see a number plate.
2) The purpose of your outing must not be just to look for a number plate.
3) No loss of enthusiasm is allowed.
Sadly, I seem to have upset them lately (possibly by excess breaking of rule 2) and I am now floundering on 27. I did finally see 26 yesterday, which was a relief in the face of endless failure.
This is going to take longer than anticipated. I'm quite looking forward to getting to 100 so I can look for "normal" number plates. I expect to do this by about Christmas, meaning I shall complete the whole challenge by 2013. Sigh.
1) You must be actively looking, they will not appear if you put it out of mind and happen to see a number plate.
2) The purpose of your outing must not be just to look for a number plate.
3) No loss of enthusiasm is allowed.
Sadly, I seem to have upset them lately (possibly by excess breaking of rule 2) and I am now floundering on 27. I did finally see 26 yesterday, which was a relief in the face of endless failure.
This is going to take longer than anticipated. I'm quite looking forward to getting to 100 so I can look for "normal" number plates. I expect to do this by about Christmas, meaning I shall complete the whole challenge by 2013. Sigh.
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
Silly places
I was just reading a news article about a laptop that got bought with bank details on it. Yada yada. But the person who found it lived in Shoeburyness and it struck me as a particularly silly name for a town. So I got to thinking of other very silly names and came up with the following:
Ashby-de-la-Zouche
Tring (this is my favourite, I spotted this coming into London on a sleeper train and was tickled pink, saying "trring!!" a lot).
Potters Bar
Chester le Street
Swadlincote
Godmanchester
Leighton Buzzard
Totton and Eling
Much Wenlock
Shoeburyness
Oswaldtwistle
South Cave
Yarm
and that's just England. I'll give you that Lochgilphead, Largs and Aberchirder probably sounds just as daft to a non Scot.
That's not to mention the town names that are totally harmless but that have been rendered funny by comedians. Those that immediately spring to mind are Cheadle, rhyming with Jeremy Beadle in the Shirehorse's parody of "You're Gorgeous" and "Weston. Super. Mayyyyyyy-er" as pronounced by Richie and Eddie in Bottom.
Anything's amusing if you want it to be.
Ashby-de-la-Zouche
Tring (this is my favourite, I spotted this coming into London on a sleeper train and was tickled pink, saying "trring!!" a lot).
Potters Bar
Chester le Street
Swadlincote
Godmanchester
Leighton Buzzard
Totton and Eling
Much Wenlock
Shoeburyness
Oswaldtwistle
South Cave
Yarm
and that's just England. I'll give you that Lochgilphead, Largs and Aberchirder probably sounds just as daft to a non Scot.
That's not to mention the town names that are totally harmless but that have been rendered funny by comedians. Those that immediately spring to mind are Cheadle, rhyming with Jeremy Beadle in the Shirehorse's parody of "You're Gorgeous" and "Weston. Super. Mayyyyyyy-er" as pronounced by Richie and Eddie in Bottom.
Anything's amusing if you want it to be.
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