A Matter of Questionable Taste

I have a problem. I claim to like cars, to know about them and how they work. I recognise a Good Car, I think, but keep gravitating towards Vauxhall.

I like the way they drive. There, I said it.

Admittedly, an Aston Martin would probably be better to drive, but the chances of that happening ever are slimmer than a very slim thing. Other cars that mortals can drive just aren't as driveable as Vauxhalls. Apart from Volvos (RIP Best Ever Car), but they're really Fords now, and I Don't Like Fords. Not being snobby, I am gravitating towards the evil GM after all, but I just like driving Vauxhalls and I don't like driving/looking at/being around Fords*.

I know!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a serious problem. But I drive other (better) cars, then get back into my Vauxhall and everything's ruined. Because the Vauxhall drives properly and other cars just seem a bit...wrong.

Aaaaaaaargh. Jeremy Clarkson will never love me. When I'm starry enough to be a Star in a Reasonably Priced Car, my car history will be revealed as Vauxhall Corsa, Volvo V40 (broken by forgetting how to drive), Vauxhall Vectra and any other Vauxhalls that I accidentally buy in the meantime. He will scoff. People that know how to drive and care about driving don't drive Vauxhalls. They may drive - sigh - Fords, but they don't drive Vauxhalls, which are for idiots that don't know anything about cars. And for people who used to know about cars before they developed Vauxhallitis. The only known cure is to purchase a Monaro, then you will be forgiven the Vauxhallness.

The good news is that Vauxhall are currently giving away free** brand new Astras!!!!!!!!!!! The other flabbergasting news is that, this is true, I swear, Vauxhall now do better than average kit. Yes, you did read that correctly. The one being given away has a full quota of pretty much everything you'd want, unless you really want cruise control. Even rain sensitive wipers which I want badly in a truly vacuous manner.

This is the current object of my desire:

Fwoarrr. Like seriously, I don't think "that is a nice practical car which would service my requirements at a reasonable price". No. I think "omigod, that's sooooo amazing, I totally have to have that exact very car and it's so totally lovely and has rain sensitive wipers!!!!!!!!!"
Because I forget that I am not 12 and that I do/did actually know a bit about cars. Unless it's got a Vauxhall badge on it in which case I turn into a dribbling lusty fool that can't see past pretty colours.

I must go and visit the Volvo dealer. There has to be a way out of this for me.

* many people have very nice Fords. They're very good, I believe. Just not for me, the Vauxhall fanboy.
**almost free. Half price. Supposedly. They've got a new Astra so they're flinging the old one.