The joy of travel

What a cosmopolitan week! To Edinburgh on Wednesday and on Saturday to Glasgow. It's almost like being a fully functional member of society.

To get to Glasgow involves getting a bus. Unless you drive, but then you'd have to park and that's just silly. Especially when a stupid person forgot something earlier in the week that needed taken to Edinburgh and so could be persuaded to pick up at night. Heh.

I don't like getting the bus. The reasons for this are many, oh yes a list will follow, but a rant needs to be had first.

With all the awareness of environmental issues and the sheer volume of traffic on the roads it would seem a simple solution to persuade people to use public transport.

You'd think.

However, a small fact that escapes the powers that be is that in order to persuade people to use public transport, it has to be pleasant, reliable and affordable. I don't know much about trams other than that the ones in Edinburgh are not there yet and are causing much chaos. But the two major types I do know about are buses and trains. Taxis are the transport of the devil and should be outlawed.

Trains are notoriously unreliable, prohibitively expensive and often made very unpleasant though overcrowding. They are damned useful if you want to be near the station at the other end, not so useful if you don't. Getting the train, in the presence of a) a train and b) a seat, is generally a pleasant experience, but as previously stated, it is very expensive.

The bus should be the dream solution. One vehicle can carry something like 200 passengers (total guess there), buses tend to be pretty convenient for getting almost door to door- they have multiple stopping places - and they are reasonably cheap to use. Brilliant. Everyone get the bus!!

Except. They're horrid.

Reasons why getting the bus is a vile experience:

1) Buses generally don't turn up on time and the waiting place for a bus is a (rarely luxurious) bus stop. Buses do indeed come in threes after the inevitable eternal wait, except of course you get on the first overcrowded one, not knowing that the other two are just about to appear. You don't notice them till they pass, mostly empty, and don't get overtaken back because your bus has to stop at every single stop because there's so many people that someone wants off at each stop.

2) Buses lurch all over the road so you have moments of fearing for your life

3) There is no chance to read on a bus without feeling distinctly queasy. Boredom reigns.

4) They are often pretty manky. A bus in heavy rain is one of the most miserable places on earth.

5) Because anyone who doesn't have to get the bus tends not to, the majority of people on a bus are those you don't want to mix with. The elderly, the teenage and the minks. The nice people on a bus (of which there are of course many, sweeping statements aside) can be identified by their constant expression of "oh god". For some reason, etiquette seems to decree that being seated next to someone on a bus makes you some sort of acquaintance.

Most of the time the most affordable and pleasant method of travel is by car. And although I like cars a lot, that should not be true. It should not be cheaper to drive than to take the train, and getting the bus should not be akin to visiting hell.

Reason to emigrate #5612.