No B

"There's no b in television"

That's what I was woken up to be told. This is true. Given that the person telling me this has but the vaguest grasp of letters and spelling I should perhaps assume that the phrase was in fact "there's no bee in television", also correct, if grammatically less well formed, but I think the first option is more profound. Should I ever form a company, that will be our motto, but only if the company has nothing to do with televisions. Or spelling.

Erasure of lunacy required this morning. Oops, oops, shut up more.

A message to Google:

Dear Google

I apologise profusely for purchasing an iPhone. I also apologise for referring to the G1 Google Phone Android T Mobile thing that noone can agree a name on, as "the gay phone", but it is white and pretty gay looking. But phone issues aside, I'm a good little Googler. My life is enGoogled. I think I use everything you want me to and really I couldn't do more. Other than buy a oogle phone, but hey, I use Google, I didn't get a w****** mobile one.

So, please explain why you persist in Not Working? And randomly being a bit odd with gmail? And why has my inbox gone all pastel?

Regards

Grumpy McCatfish


Other things I have run out of energy to type properly about:

Santa does exist. Evidence for this: none.

Do I need 5 Lloyd Grossman Sauces, 3 of which are Primavera and 5 tins of baked beans? Given that tins have very long lives, should I be ashamed that there was a tin of apricots lurking at the back of the cupboard that went off in 2005?

Why am I 33? I actually did a calculation this morning to double check I've not made a mistake. Luckily I am still 33, the worst thing in the world would be to discover that I'm 32 and that this year of perpetual self questioning would be ahead of me. But how lovely if I'd remembered that I'd actually been born in 1974 and I'm 34 after all. No. Still 1975. Still 33 years ago. Long winded explanations would lead to the conclusion that ages ending in 3 are those of great things, leading to huge upheavals and changes for the better in the age ending with 4. So something in this stagnatory plodding must be happening for the better, something (subtle) is happening now that will lead to great things next year.
Whatever, 7 weeks tomorrow I'll be 34 and all will be well with the world.

I have now to go and look for square balls.