It's not easy being this thick

It's gone. That thing called intelligence. Common sense, simple understanding, I have none.

We have for example, the cooking of tonight's dinner. An experiment into making something curryish with vegetables that didn't contain peas. There is no problem with peas in their rightful place at the side of the plate or in a salad or something, but why do they pop up in rice or curry or general foodage? Anyway, I found a recipe for chicken korma, wildly improvised due to inability to think what vegetables went in a vegetable korma (the one from the Indian has fecking peas in it, and potato; the recipes I found online all had blimming peas, and beans) and also due to a lack of key ingredients. The dense moment occurred when I added a tablespoon of coriander leaf instead of a tablespoon of ground coriander. Too late, I remembered the fairly major difference between the two. Luckily, I'm a reasonable cook, so ended up with a tasty thing that bore no resemblance to what it was meant to, but had a distinctive Thai Green look/taste to it. Sigh. Thai Gobi Korma because cauliflower is always the answer.

Later, I thought I'd have a nice soak and read my book. All fine and dandy till I dropped Andrew Collins into the bath and am now stuck for two days or so till he dries out enough. Dammit. I haven't done that since I dropped Mary Queen of Scots in the bath, and I never went back to her in her puffed up stiffened state after, I moved on. That would be sad in this case.

I've got my coursework. I'm sitting here with my mouth slightly open just gawping at it like I'm a moron. I have no idea where to start thinking, never mind working out what to do.

Here's one of the parts (incidentally, part 2):

Examine the policy frameworks, government objectives with respect to your chosen topic area, legislation and typical existing practice. This would look at what national and local government say that they want to do for your chosen measure (and any contradictions in that policy); the relevant legislation (e.g. the Transport Act 2000); and how your topic is dealt with currently by “typical” transport professionals. Some critique of existing practice is also required.

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As if by magic, I prove the fact that I have no brain, by searching on Amazon for books, finding one that looked familiar and discovering I own it. Which helps. The title? "Transport Policy in Britain". I have previously been to the Shelf of Useful Books and didn't think that this one would possibly be useful for coursework on Transport Policy.

The country is crying out for engineers like me, just think what amazing things I can achieve.
Yes, it was going to be a road, but instead I built a swimming pool.
Oh. You wanted tracks for that train line? Yes, I suppose that should have been obvious.